The Woman of Valor: A Godly Wife and Mother

sermon transcript

Introduction

Well, I’d like to wish all of you that are mothers Happy Mother’s Day, and I am delighted to be able to open up Proverbs 31 to you this morning. Now, we were talking in the staff, and none of the staff had ever heard an exposition on Proverbs 31. We’d heard it read or alluded to it a number of times, but to actually go carefully through the word has been a rich privilege for me over the last few weeks, and I rejoice in that.

The Attack on Biblical Motherhood in Popular American Culture

We live in America, we live in a culture that formerly honored motherhood. There was a time when the role of a mother, and a godly wife, and a well-ordered godly home was clearly established and esteemed, but that is no longer the case. In the last 50 years, we’ve seen a universal cultural attack on the concept of a godly wife and mother, and a well-ordered home. Now recently, I came across one of these books written by a woman named Susan J. Douglas, it was entitled, The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women. Now, it attacks the basic idea of the perfect housewife, the unattainable standards of a well-ordered home and well-mannered children with finely honed sarcasm. I have to admit, it was somewhat humorous to read, but the message was terrible. She was talking about what it’s like to just come home from the supermarket and what it would be like to be a perfect wife and mother in that simple situation.  This is what she wrote:

“If you were a ‘good mom’ you’d joyfully empty the shopping bags and transform the process of putting the groceries away into a fun game your kids love to play (upbeat Raffi songs would provide a lilting soundtrack). Then, while you steamed the broccoli and poached the chicken breasts in Vouvray and Evian water,” – it’s a recipe hint, I guess, right in the middle of it – “you and the kids would also be doing jigsaw puzzles in the shape of the United Arab Emirates so they learned some geography. Your cheerful teenager would say, ‘Gee, Mom, you gave me the best advice on that last homework assignment.’ When your husband arrives, he is so overcome with admiration for how well you do it all, that he looks lovingly into your eyes, kisses you and presents you with a diamond anniversary bracelet…. The children, chattering away happily, help you set the table, and then eat their broccoli. After dinner, you all go out and stencil autumn leaves on the driveway.”

Well, let me tell you, there’s a great deal of mockery about the image of a homemaker and a godly wife. She, this author, mentions June Cleaver nine times in the book, every time with a sense of mockery. She is the picture of the ideal 1950’s style housewife. But I believe that the value of a well-ordered and godly home has never been clearer in American society now that it’s under attack, and there has never, in my opinion, been a greater need for the church to step up and speak clearly and truthfully and with words of great encouragement and praise to this very issue. This is the time for the church to step into the breach and to speak the truth about what it means to be a godly wife and a godly mother, and I can’t think of no better passage to do that than Proverbs 31, what’s commonly called “the virtuous wife”.

The Context of Proverbs 31:10-31

The context is very interesting. Now Proverbs 31 is the final chapter of that book of practical wisdom, The Book of Proverbs, rubber meets the road wisdom, how to live everyday life in a wise way. The final chapter is, interestingly, advice given by a godly mother to her son who’s sitting on the throne. She’s, in effect, I think, a Queen Mother. King Lemuel is not one of the Hebrew kings, he’s not mentioned anywhere else in the Bible. And so, in Proverbs 31, it says, “The sayings of King Lemuel,” which he learned from his mother, and here we see the influence of a godly mother over a whole life, not just at the very beginning. Her desire is that his reign should prosper, that the nation should flourish under his rule, and she warns him specifically to show restraint concerning women and wine. Look back a little bit at Proverbs 31:2-3, there she says this, “O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows, do not spend your strength on women and your vigor on those who ruin kings.” In contrast to the kind of woman who can ruin a man – who can ruin a king – she wants to set up an ideal woman, the kind of woman he should seek to be his wife and his helper in his rule. But this advice is not just for him and how he personally is gonna find a godly wife, but really extends to all of the marriages that would make up his reign. A nation is only gonna be as strong as the health of the homes, and therefore, this woman is not necessarily the wife of a king, but it says her husband is respected in the city gate, etcetera. This is a universal advice given for all wives and all marriages in his reign and in his realm.

Now, this passage, Proverbs 31, has perhaps the greatest potential to put women under the pile and make them feel discouraged than any other chapter in the Bible. Perhaps you might have looked down and said, “Oh, no, here’s Proverbs 31 and more ways that I can feel terrible about myself as a wife and a mother.” This is not what it’s meant to do. I actually believe there’s no more reason for a woman to feel discouraged when reading Proverbs 31 than any of us should when we read the Sermon on the Mount. Who can live the Christian life depicted perfectly in the Sermon on the Mount? None of us can. And yet there it is, beckoning us higher in our lives. Or even just a simple line from the Apostle Paul in one of his epistles, like Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be completely humble and gentle. Be patient, bearing with one another in love.” Now, does that put you under the pile to read that? It could. You could say, “When have I ever been completely humble and gentle, patient, bearing perfectly with one another in love?” None of us ever does any of this perfectly, but the word of God stands for the upward call of God in Christ Jesus, beckoning us up higher, and so Proverbs 31 does that. It’s not meant to be a discouragement, but rather an encouragement and an exhortation.

Her Description: A Wife of Valor

A Wife of Courageous Virtue

So what I’d like to do is just go through these verses and try to draw out aspects of this virtuous woman, this virtuous wife. Let’s begin with her description in verse 10. She is a wife of valor. It says in verse 10, “A wife of noble character…”. Who can find that passage in the NIV? “Gives us noble character.” Literally, it’s a wife of courageous virtue. I found this interesting, the Hebrew word used here is sometimes translated “army”, like a powerful army, or a man of valor, a courageous man of valor, someone like Simeon, or Samson, or Gideon, or David who can take on a battle and fight courageously. David’s mighty men of valor, the same word is used here. You know all of his list of mighty men, like this man in 2 Samuel 23:20, “Benaiah,” it says, “was a valiant fighter…” – the same word is used here in verse 10. He, “…performed great exploits. He struck down two of Moab’s best men, he also went down into a pit on a snowy day and killed the lion.” So that’s the nature of this word, it’s a word of valor, of courage, of strength.

A Heroine of Almost Mythic Proportions

Now, the Proverbs 31 woman has shown, in my opinion, no less valor in putting together a godly home and be a godly wife than this man Benaiah who went down and killed a lion on a snowy day. Now, you may ask what is so courageous about the woman of valor? Well, again, the focus of this woman is the maintenance of a godly home. A godly home is an oasis of peace and rest and renewal and strength, spiritual strength, in a maelstrom of satanic rebellion against God. And how much strength does it take to carve that out in this world? How much strength does it take to stand in the middle of a whitewater river up to the chest and not move? How much strength would it take to go out in a hurricane – in a storm – and take your stand and not move?

I found a man, I was doing some research, and this man, Louis Cyr, was the first professional strong man; he went from place to place at the end of the 19th century doing feats of strength and people would pay him to do it. And there’s this grainy black and white photo of this man out in the middle of farmland, he’s taken a stand like that and his arms are like this, and there’s a harness attached to a horse on left arm and right arm pulling the opposite direction, and this guy is there – like that – and the horses are losing. Now, I feel like a godly housewife probably feels like that, trying to carve out a place of peace and rest when she’s being pulled in every direction: the phone is ringing, the children are crying, husband has incessant needs, always needs. Whether he knows it or not, he has incessant needs – ladies, you know what I’m talking about – but they’re pulled in all directions. It takes a woman of valor to carve out a piece of refuge and place of spiritual renewal. And so, Proverbs 31 pictures a godly wife and mother as a heroine of almost mythic proportions.

Her Value: Greater Than Rubies

The Greatest Thing a Husband Can DO: VALUE Your Wife

Secondly, we see her value. Her value is greater than rubies. Verse 10, it says, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” Husbands, the greatest thing you can do is to praise and encourage your wife in her godly calling, to give her the strength and the encouragement. This is what it says in Hebrews 10, that we should, “…encourage one another, and all the more, as you see the day drawing near, provoking one another to love and good deeds.” This is something a husband can do, is encourage his wife, and it begins with having a right assessment of her value – that he sees the value of this godly woman – and so, she’s compared to rubies.

More Valuable than Rubies

Rubies were among the rarest and hardest to find of all of the precious gems in the ancient world. Now, some scholars believe that they could only be brought by camel caravan from the distant parts of Afghanistan, and so they were very rare, perhaps even rarer than diamonds or pearls were rubies. And the statement right there, a woman of noble character, “Who can find?” implies that she’s very difficult to locate, she is rare.  Now, all over the world men are searching, single men, searching for the perfect wife, for the perfect wife, and looking at it from a worldly point of view, looking at worldly standards, what does it take to be a perfect wife? Well, the standards are much lower in the world than they are listed here. Usually they have to do with physical beauty and external qualities. At the end of Proverbs 31, it talks about charm and beauty, saying, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain…”. The Bible itself acknowledges how difficult it is to find a godly wife and a godly mother; it says in Proverbs 19:14, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord,” and so we see her incredible value.

Her Focus: A Godly Home Life

The Entire Focus of this Virtuous Woman: A Godly Home Life

Thirdly, we see her focus, and her focus is a godly home life. The entire focus of this virtuous woman is setting up or carving out in the middle of that hurricane storm of satanic opposition to God, carving out a place of refuge and peace for herself and her husband, and her family. Now mark this, she is not cooped up, she’s not penned up, she’s not chained to the stove; she has a wide scope in her life and ministry. Look at verse 14, it says, “She is like the merchant ships bringing her food from afar.” Verse 16 says, “She’s out considering a field and buying it.” Verse 20 says, “She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy.” So she’s out in the community, she’s out doing things, but the focus of her activity is the blessing of the home; that’s their home base at the center of her ministry. She’s a constant blessing to her husband, to her children.

Modern Women Drawn Away from the Home

Now, in the 21st century, women are hearing constantly a siren call away from the home and out into the professional workplace. It’s going on all the time. Some of this mockery, like I read earlier, is part of that; you feel like you’re gonna be a person of no consequence if you were to stay at home, you’re only a wife or mother, only a housewife, made to feel like you’re nothing if this is what you do. Now, it can hardly be argued after what’s happened in the last 30 years, that women do not have the intelligence, or the capability, or the drive, or the inventiveness, or administrative ability to be successful out in business. They’re doing it all the time. It’s going on right in front of us. So the question is not, can a woman do this? The question is, what is God’s best for herself, for her husband, her children, for the kingdom of God? Not, can I do this? But what is best? What will produce the greatest eternal fruitfulness? And I think only God can tell us what that is, he knows how to organize a world; he knows how to organize a family, a church and society. So the question is not, what can I do? But what is best for me to do? What should I do?

Easy to Underestimate the Value of a Well-Ordered Home

Now, I think it’s easy to underestimate the value of a well-ordered home. People who sneer at homemaking, sneer at the value of a godly home, who make jokes about June Cleaver, they don’t know what they’re talking about. They don’t have any sense of the value of a godly home. God places a high value on the physical side of life, he gave us bodies, and there’s something to be said for a lifetime of nutritious meals, of organized home, of clean sheets, of the physical side of life that this godly woman is ministering to. The husband himself needs a place where he can come and be encouraged, a refuge for him where he can be renewed and strengthened, or else he’s going to easily become discouraged or slide off into mediocrity. She is setting up a base of operations for him to advance the kingdom of God, and they do it together. And so therefore, I think a godly wife and a godly mother, her focus being on the family, her life is only as valuable as the souls of the people in that family, and God says those are infinitely valuable.

Her Character: Comprehensive Wisdom

Character Traits of a Woman of Valor

Fourth, we see her character, and it’s one of comprehensive wisdom. Now, I went through verses 10-31 very carefully, I read through every verse, and I drew out from each verse whatever virtue or character trait I could find, and I ended up with 27 different character traits, and I thought this is going to be the longest sermon I have ever preached in my life. They were saying I should make a book available to all of you and be grateful it’s only gonna be as long as it is, because these 27 virtues are each of them worth talking about. I would urge you to do that yourselves, just go through and say, “What does this verse tell me about this godly woman?” What I wanna do instead is just zero in on some that are especially pronounced. This is not exhaustive, but rather just suggestive of the virtues, what kind of person this is.

1) Hard Work

First of all, we notice that she’s a hard worker, very hard worker. Now look at verse 27, it says, “She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness,” or the “twinkies of idleness”, if you will, something like that. Whatever would cause a sense of idleness and pleasure seeking, this woman is not involved in that. And please don’t come and tell me I like Twinkies. I know that you probably like Twinkies, that’s not what I’m saying, that’s not her home base, she’s a hard worker. Now look what it says in verse 17, “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her task.” And so she’s a hard worker.

2) Cheerfulness

Secondly, we notice her cheerfulness. In verse 13, in the New American Standard, it gives us this, “She looks for wool and flax and works with her hands in delight.” The Hebrew word here is really rich, it’s a rich word, a sense of the delight that she has in the work that she does. She’s not grumpy or irritable, and why should she be when she’s taken her God-given gifts and talents and skills and making them available to enrich those that she loves and to advance the kingdom of her Savior? So there’s no grumpiness or irritability here, she is delighted to do what she’s doing.

3) Self-Sacrifice

Thirdly, we see self-sacrifice and discipline. She’s not living for immediate pleasure. Now verse 15 says “She gets up while it’s still dark”; verse 18 says “…her lamp doesn’t go out at night.” Now you may be wondering, when does she ever sleep? Well, it does say she gets up so imply she does get some rest, but look at this, this is a long, long time to be awake, and this is before electricity. I went on a mission trip to Kenya, and when the sun went down, we were all in bed within an hour because it costs money to keep the lamp going, but this woman is a hard worker; she’s got a full day. So 15 through 18 may bracket a very busy day for her. She’s a hard worker and she’s disciplined.  Now, she’s living for others, she’s living for her Lord, for her husband, for her children, for the workers in her home, and even for the poor and needy in the society around her. She’s others centered.

4) Foresight

She has foresight; she looks ahead at what’s coming. Look at verse 21, it says, “When it snows, she has no fear for her household for all of them are clothed in scarlet.” Now, snow is obviously very rare in Palestine, it’s not likely to come. I looked it up and there’s only 21 uses of the word snow in the Old Testament, and most of them are metaphorical, like our sins will be washed white as snow, this kind of thing. It was not a common experience, yet this woman has had the foresight to get ready for a snowy day. She’s ready when it comes because she has foresight. Look again at verse 25, it says there, “She is clothed with strength and dignity, she can laugh at the days to come.” It’s so easy, isn’t it, to slide into anxiety, all of us, not just women, but men as well, to be anxious about tomorrow. But she’s not anxious, because first and foremost, she fears the Lord and trusts in him. But secondly, she’s done what she can under God’s leadership to provide and get ready for the future. So these are some of her character aspects.

Her Works: Fruitful, Skillful, and Plentiful

Her Works Inside the Home

Fifthly, we notice her works. Her works are fruitful, they are skillful and plentiful, both inside the home and outside the home. Within the home, she is blessing her husband with every good thing that he might need for his life and ministry. Also, she’s providing him and her children and even the poor with food and clothing. She’s skillful in this way.  We were talking just as we were waiting to come in here about the making of garments, and perhaps you’ve been to some of these pioneer sites where it shows how they would spin from flax or other things and make thread, and then thread would eventually be woven into cloth, and then sown into garments. This woman had the whole thing from alpha to omega, from A to Z. She knew how to make clothes, a skillful woman. She also spoke wisdom to her children, and we’ll talk about this, we’re gonna finish with it, talk about it in a moment. And she manages the affairs of her household, there’s the gift of administration, she looks after details of her household, her husband, her children, servants, all of them needing direction. So that’s inside the home.

Her Works Outside of the Home

What about outside the home? Well, she buys well. She’s a good shopper, she knows, she looks with discernment at what’s the best thing to buy?  Look at verses 13-16, and it says, “She seeks wool and flax and works with willing hands,” as we said; verse 14, “She’s like the ships of the merchant bringing her food from afar”; verse 16, “She considers a field and buys it, with the fruit of her hand she plants a vineyard.” She’s a choosy and discerning shopper. There’s a certain education in knowing what is the best to buy in each situation, and she knows how to buy it, whether it’s a vegetable fiber like flax, or an animal fiber like wool, she knows what the best quality is to make the best quality garment. And so it is with a meal, the best ingredients go into making the best meal. Papa John tells us that. If you’re gonna have the best pizza, you’re gonna have the best ingredients, right? So this woman knew that long before Papa John. She says she’s going to go like a merchant ship from afar to get the best ingredients for the meal. She understands that big things come out of little things, and little things matter, and she chooses with quality.

She also invests and sells widely. “She considers a field…”, and the Greek or the Hebrew gives us the indication of a careful process of discerning which is the best field to buy, and also it’s gonna take some finagling even to get it purchased. But then it turns out well. With the fruit she gets from that field, she then considers a vineyard and buys that. So she’s in an ongoing sense, investing. She’s a very wise and careful businesswoman. We also see her mercy to the poor in verse 20, “She opens her arms to the poor and extends her hands to the needy, these are her works.”

Her Relationships: A God-Centered Family

With Her God: The Fear of the Lord Foundational

Next, we see her relationships, and the center of it all is her relationship with God. The relationships are well-ordered because they are God-centered. The fear of the Lord is foundational to this woman’s personality, it’s the center of everything she is and does. Now, this is really the center and the beginning, middle and end of the whole Book of Proverbs, isn’t it?  In Proverbs 1:7, it says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.” That’s the beginning, verse 7 of Proverbs 1. But here at the very end, in verse 30, it’s, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” And right in the middle, just about the middle verse in Proverbs, 15:33 gives us this, “The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom, and humility comes before honor.” The message of the Book of Proverbs is a wise and discerning life begins and is, in the middle, and in the final analysis, all about the fear of the Lord. It’s all about God-centeredness in your life.

AW Tozer wrote a classic called, The Knowledge of the Holy, one of the greatest devotional writings ever written, and he got it right from Proverbs 9:10, it says, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the holy is understanding.” So the sum total of this woman’s character is that she fears the Lord, she knows and understands the Lord, and everything she does flows from that. Now, this friends, is true beauty. This true beauty, 1 Peter 3 tells us that beauty doesn’t “…come from outward adornment such as braided hair, or the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Instead, it’s that of the inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Unfading beauty. This woman can be beautiful at age 95 because she fears the Lord. True beauty.  Now, it says in verse 30, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Women spend literally billions of dollars every year on cosmetics. More and more investing even in cosmetic surgery, so I guess we have to re-understand verse 30, it’s not just charm that’s deceptive, but beauty can be deceptive as well. It’s not what you appear to be. And what a sad commentary on a society, that this is all we think of when we think of female beauty; it’s all external, it’s about as thin as the cover of a magazine. And yet it’s everywhere, isn’t it? An intense interest in external very, very temporary feminine beauty. The Bible has a different view of what’s beautiful, and it has to do with the fear of the Lord, it has to do with true, genuine godliness. And so we see her relationship is first and foremost with the Lord.

With Her Husband: Godly Marriage

Secondly, we see her relationship with her husband in her godly marriage. Look at verse 11, it says, “The heart of her husband trusts in her and he will have no lack of gain.”  Now, it’s amazing, this word “trust” is in every other place that I could find in the Old Testament used only for God, that we are to be trusting in God and in God alone, and so it is true. But in a similar way that the husband, a godly husband will trust in the Lord for his salvation, at a lower level he’s trusting in his wife for many things to do with his practical life, He trusts her, she’s trustworthy, she’s faithful. We also see that she provides for husband, she meets his needs. It says he will have no lack of gain in verse 11, anything that he needs to be fully successful in his life and ministry, she has thought of, and she has provided.

Another interpretation from the Hebrew word I think is very powerful, it literally says he has no need of spoil, he doesn’t need any plunder. And what this plunder is, is taking something that belongs to somebody else, and this man is essentially discontent ’cause he’s gotta go plunder somebody else. But this godly man who’s married to this woman, he has no need of plunder, he has no need of spoil, he’s content with what God has provided because she meets his needs in a wonderful way.  It says in Proverbs 5, “Why be intoxicated by another man’s wife? Drink water from your own cistern and running water from your own well.” In verse 18 of chapter 5, “May your fountain be blessed and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.” He doesn’t need to roam or wander because she meets his needs in every way, he has no need to plunder or spoil. And we see also their lasting relationship. Look at verse 12, “She does him good and not harm all the days of her life.” Till death parts them, she is committed to this one man, and I’ve seen some godly women in this church that nurse their husbands right through to the day of their death at great sacrifice and done it cheerfully. There’s a lasting relationship.

And then, in terms of her marriage, we see also finally her husband’s place in society. Proverbs 31 seems to draw a direct connection between the quality of this man’s wife and the esteem with which he’s held in society. Because he’s got such a godly wife, he is freed up and empowered and able to go be everything God wants him to be as well.  So look down at verse 23, it says, “Her husband is respected at the city gate where he takes a seat among the elders of the land.”

Now, first, let’s understand what kind of man is this kind of woman going to choose for a husband, right? She’s not gonna be just very, very careful about wool and flax and marry just any guy. She’s gonna marry a godly man who’s worthy of her respect. And so for you, young men as you’re growing up, you ought to think about that. If this is the kind of woman you want, if this kind of wife you want, then you need to be a certain kind of man. So she, I’m certain, is very careful about what kind of man she chose to marry, but then she does everything she can to make him be everything he can be, and he is respected at the city gate where he takes his seat among the elders of the land. A godly man, fully successful, who has a great impact for eternity, he doesn’t do it alone. But God has brought a helper suitable for him, and she deserves as much reward and praise as he does for whatever he accomplishes. And so we see her godly relationship with her husband.

With Her Children: Godly Training

We also see finally her godly relationship with her children, and I’m gonna take this whole section and bring it to the very end of the sermon. She invests herself in preparing her children for eternity, and we’ll talk about that at the end of the message.

Her Reward: Both Temporal & Eternal

Praise from Her Husband AND Praise from Her Children

Seventh, we see her reward, both temporal and eternal. First, we see her temporary or temporal reward from her husband and from her children. Now, when I say it’s temporal, it doesn’t mean it’s not important. It is important for her husband and her children to praise her. Pause the sermon for a minute. Men, this is Mother’s Day.

Okay? You know what to do.

End of pause. Back to the sermon. Okay?

It’s very important for men to take the time creatively and intelligently to praise their wives, the mother of their children, and to praise their own mothers as well. And so we see her praised, and also praised from her children. Verse 28 and 29, “Her children arise and call her blessed, her husband also, and he praises her. Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.” Oh, she’ll love to hear that, if she thinks you really think it. And so you have to kinda earn the right so that it’s not a matter of flattery, but throughout the year, not just on Mother’s Day, but 364 other days a year, earn the right to say it so she’ll believe it on Mother’s Day that that’s what you really think.

Praise from Her Neighbors and the Elders in the Land

We also see praise from her neighbors and elders in the land. Verse 31, “Give her the reward she has earned and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.” And so she gets esteem from society, from the culture, from the church, let’s say, from people who see the value of what she does.

Praise from God, the Ultimate Reward

But does she care ultimately about these things? No, no, not ultimately. Ultimately, it means the highest place. What does she really want? What is her true reward? Is it not praise from God? Isn’t that what she wants? It’s that God would see, that God would know, that God would praise her. Now, do not think it immoral or wrong or sinful for a woman or a man to desire to be praised by God. It is the reward we will get at the end of a faithful life, where the Lord will say to us, “Well done, you good and faithful servant. You’ve been faithful with a few things, I’m gonna put you in charge of many things. Enter now into the joy of your Master.” Is that not your yearning? Isn’t that the reward you’re hoping to store up day after day by faithful service, that God would see what you do and praise you for it? Well, that’s the reward she’s gonna get.  Now look at verse 30, it says, “A woman who fears the Lord will be praised.” There’s a future tense. There’s a yet future praise she is living for, that’s what she wants.

Now, one of the discoveries I made as I was preparing this sermon was the connection between Proverbs 31 and Matthew chapter 10. It’s a connection I’d never really seen before, but it clicked in for me this week. Now you might think, what does Matthew 10 have to do with Proverbs 31? Well, in Matthew 10, Jesus is sending his apostles out two by two to go out and witness, to share the gospel, to advance the kingdom. It’s a very important part of Matthew. He’s entrusting them at an early stage, the ministry of reconciliation, they’re going to go out. And this is the instruction he gives.  In Matthew 10:11 he says, “Whatever town or village you enter, search for some worthy person there and stay at his house until you leave.” In other words, get a base of operation and don’t move from it. Just stay there and let them feed you, let them care for you, let them renew you in the evenings, let them pray for you, and then you go out and you minister.

You say, “Okay, well, if I’m gonna host the apostle, what do I get?” you may ask. Well, at the end, he deals with that. In Matthew 10:40-42, he says, “He who receives you receives me, and he who receives me receives the one who sent me. Anyone who receives a prophet because he is a prophet will receive a prophet’s reward. And anyone who receives a righteous man because he is a righteous man will receive a righteous man’s reward. And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones, because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will never lose his reward.” A cup of cold water, and you won’t lose your reward? What does a godly wife do, but provide decades of a base of operation for her husband to go out and do his life and ministry? She will never lose her reward. And as a matter of fact, according to the logic of Matthew 10, she gets the exact same reward he does. Whatever he’s out doing, if she’s the base of operation for him and he comes back and gets renewed and goes back out, she gets the same reward he does. Now that is rich, isn’t it? That’s the reward that she’s hoping for, that’s what she’s yearning for.  One commentator put it this way,

“This godly capable woman is fully using all her capacities, intellectual, physical, spiritual, emotional, moral, to produce a well-ordered godly home which is a haven of rest and spiritual refreshment for her husband, herself, and her children. That home is a launching pad for world changers, and an oasis of spiritual sanity in the midst of an insane, rebellious, wicked world. She is a co-laborer with her husband, and what she is doing is every bit as difficult and every bit as eternally fruitful as what he is doing. They have a mutual call, but different focuses. And God will reward them equally based on their faithfulness to their challenging tasks. AND WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT? WHY IS THAT NOT SUFFICIENT? Equally challenging work, equally fruitful in this world, equally essential to God’s Kingdom, equally rewarded by God on judgment day. How can a godly home-maker be so thoroughly disrespected in this world, except that Satan is trying to destroy that oasis of refreshment, that launching pad of kingdom building world-changers? Now we see his evil design at last! The force that leads men and women alike to disparage the godly homemaker has its origin in the mind of the Devil himself…. Because he deeply fears this godly Proverbs 31 woman and the peaceful and orderly home she so powerfully carves out of his world of wicked chaos.”

Her Proclamation of Wisdom: Scripture’s Witness to Christ

No Woman in History Has Perfectly Embodied Wisdom

Finally her proclamation of wisdom, Scripture’s witness to Christ. Now, no woman in history has fully lived this out. None. It’s a goal, and the more godly you are, the more you know your own deficiencies, isn’t it true? The more you go on in the Christian life, the more humbled you are by your own sin and the more of it you see, and that’s a good thing. Even the apostle Paul called himself “the greatest of all sinners,” 1^st Timothy 1:15, he knew himself to be the greatest of all sinners.  So when you read this and it makes you feel guilty or whatever, push it aside. Instead, read and say, “What can I be today by God’s grace?” And strive to live as best you can according to this pattern.

Christ Has Perfectly Embodied Wisdom & He is Our Wisdom and Righteousness

But I say to you, a Christian isn’t looking to herself or himself anyway for the ultimate answers of righteousness. There is a man who has perfectly lived out the wisdom of the Book of Proverbs. There is a man who is the Book of Proverbs embodied, walking wisdom. He dealt with everybody perfectly, he dealt with every situation perfectly, he always spoke perfect wisdom, he dealt with his money perfectly, he dealt with temptations perfectly, he dealt with his family perfectly, he was the Book of Proverbs embodied. He was Jesus Christ. And Christ, and Christ alone, is perfect wisdom. And in his wisdom, he would rather die on the cross than disobey the law of God, and in his wisdom, he loved us so much, he would rather die than have us lost to hell. That is the wisdom and the love of Christ, and we see it perfectly in the cross. Christ is wisdom embodied, not the godly homemaker, however, godly she is.

This Godly Woman Ultimately Proclaims Christ Alone

And you know what? She knows it, doesn’t she? She knows ultimately she cannot be the savior to her children, only Christ can. Well, what is she gonna do about it? Well, this godly woman proclaims Christ to her children everyday of their lives. She is getting them ready, their souls ready for eternity, she’s getting them ready to meet God face to face. And her example of godliness is insufficient to do that, she knows it. So therefore all she can do is proclaim Christ from Scripture to them from infancy. God’s word is a perfect combination of everything we need to bring us to salvation. Isn’t that wonderful? Everything we need for life, eternal life, and godliness is found in the Scripture.

A godly wife knows that, a godly mother knows that, and she knows there’s a combination of law and grace, that working together saves souls. The tremblings of the law and the sweetness of grace, and the two of them combined in a perfectly wise way to get us ready for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.  And so we see Eunice doing this for Timothy. In 2^nd Timothy 1 we see that her faith lives in Timothy, but then in 2 Timothy 3, it says, “Continue in what you have learned and become convinced because you know those from whom you learned it,” especially your mother, “and how from infancy, you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus.” The wisdom for salvation comes from the Scripture, and it comes from law, and it comes from gospel or grace.

How the Proverbs 31 Woman Preaches the Whole Counsel of God’s Word

Now, you might say, where do we get this in Proverbs 31? Well, I hadn’t seen it until four days ago. Look at verse 26. Now, in the King James Version, it’s the only translation that I find that does the two key words here justice, literally says, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” Now, the word law is “Torah”, and the word kindness is “hesed”. These are two of the weightiest words in the Old Testament. She speaks law and she speaks grace. That’s what she speaks to her children, she speaks the whole counsel of God’s word.

Speaking Law

How does she speak law? Well, she proclaims the fiery tremblings of Mount Sinai to her children. She tells them that God is the only God and we shall have no other gods before him, and that God will condemn any that rebel against him. The threatenings of law and of death for all that transgressed the law. It says, “Honor your father and mother.” She upholds this, and she disciplines when they sass and are dishonorable to her, or to their father. It says, “You shall not steal.” She upholds this and she disciplines if they steal or if they lie, or if they disrespect, or if they covet. She’s upholding the law. The greatest law is love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. She’s taking the law and lying it next to their hearts and saying, “Are you loving God right now? Are you honoring God right now?” And in this way, she brings them to a thorough knowledge of their own sinfulness, that’s the law.

Speaking Grace (Hesed)

But then we need hesed, we need the grace. Now, this is a rich word, hesed. Up on Mount Sinai, the Lord was interacting with Moses, and Moses said, “Show me your glory. I wanna see your glory.” And he said, No one can see me and live. But what I’ll do is I’ll put you in a cleft of the rock, and I’ll go by and you’ll see my last portions, and I will speak my name to you. And this is what it says, “Then the Lord passed by in front of Moses and proclaimed, ‘The Lord, the Lord God, compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in hesed, abounding in loving kindness and truth.'” That’s who he is. Or in Psalm 23:6, Surely goodness and hesed, mercy, will follow me all the days of my life. Or in Psalm 51, after David committed adultery with Bathsheba, he said this, “Have mercy on me, O God, according to your hesed, according to your unfailing love, according to your great compassion, blot out my transgression.” In other words, my only hope for my transgression and my sin is the hesed of God, the grace of God. It’s the only hope I have, God’s loving kindness to sinners.

Speaking Wisdom

And so a godly mother speaks wisdom. She speaks law, and she speaks grace, and she points to Christ who is the perfect fulfillment of both. She leads her children to Christ everyday, she acts. It says in Galatians 3:24, “The law has become our tutor to lead us to Christ so that we may be justified by faith.” She takes the law and uses it as a tutor to bring those little kids to the cross. She evangelizes them with the law. She also evangelizes them with sweet, loving kindness. How can they understand what God’s loving kindness is like, other than they see it in life? And from the moment they are nursing at their mother’s breast to the time when she binds up their wounds and wipes their tears, to the time when she cleans up their foul messes in the middle of the night, she is displaying God’s loving kindness in action. They are learning what it’s like that God is a God of loving kindness, that he covers over grace. How many times do the children come and have to apologize to their mothers for sin? And she grants them lovingly, graciously, forgiveness. She’s gentle with them and she shows them the love and the mercy of God.

Jeremiah 31:3 says, “The Lord appeared to us in the past saying, I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Listen, I have drawn you with hesed. I’ve drawn you with loving kindness. God’s love, his kindness, attracts us. We don’t go into the arms of God running screaming from hell, that’s not what does it in the end. It’s the tender mercies of God displayed in Christ, but pictured at a lower level by the evangelist who is their mother. And so she, by every act of loving kindness, is putting a band around their heart and drawing them to Christ, pulling them to Christ, that’s what she’s doing. It says in Romans 2:4, God’s kindness leads you toward repentance. In Matthew 4, Jesus said, “Follow me and I’ll make you fishers of men.” She is a fisher of their heart, pulling them in with a net to believe and love Christ.

More than anything, she teaches them that God’s grace is infinitely greater than all their sin. Romans 5:20 says, “The law was added so that the trespass might increase, but where sin increased, grace increased all the more.” Torah, law, uncovers sin before their eyes. Grace covers it up with the mercy of God. You need to picture grace to your children. Everyone’s sin is like a fire. Some is like a match. Some like a candle. Some like a torch. Some like a bonfire. The grace of God in Christ is like the Pacific Ocean that can handle the match, the candle, the torch or the bonfire with equal ease. The grace of God is greater than all of our sin, and a godly mother proclaims both law and the loving kindness of God. His grace is sufficient to cover our sin, and so she’s proclaiming Christ day after day by how she lives, but especially by the way she reads Scripture to them, the law of loving kindness.

Summary & Conclusion

Overview

Now, we have seen today a godly woman, we’ve seen her description, she’s a wife of courageous valor. We’ve seen her value, it’s greater than rubies. We have seen her focus, it’s a godly home. We’ve seen her character, comprehensive wisdom. We’ve seen her works, they are fruitful, skillful and plentiful. We’ve seen her relationships, it’s a God-centered family. We’ve seen her reward, both temporal and eternal, it’s praise. And we have seen her proclamation of wisdom, which is Scripture’s witness to Christ.

Applications

Now, by way of application, let me speak to different categories of people briefly. To young, unmarried women, set Proverbs 31 in front of you as a matter of prayer so that you would be transformed and become this kind of person before you get married. Set this as a goal for yourself and find a mentor who can help you become this kind of woman.

To young, unmarried men, I already spoke to you earlier in the message, but be the kind of man who this kind of woman will wanna marry. And by the way, you wanna know what kind of man that is? Look at Job 31. Men, you wanna be under the pile? Read Job 31. Women, Proverbs 31. Okay? There’s a parallelism there. But be that kind of a godly man who this kind of woman will want to marry, and then don’t choose any less than this, don’t settle for less. That’s what Lemuel’s mother was saying. To married men, I urge you to find something in this proverb that you can use to encourage your wife or your mother.

To married women, resist the temptation to feel under the pile by this or any passage of Scripture. Don’t feel guilty, feel renewed and strengthened and empowered by God to perform this very thing, because the New Covenant says that God writes his laws in our minds and on our hearts and then empowers us to fulfill them.

To all children of mothers, to all those of you that have had a mother, who would that be? Well, that’s all of us, I guess, except Adam and Eve. All of us have a mother. First of all, be thankful and grateful to God for any way that your mother fulfilled this, even if she wasn’t a Christian. If she’s still living, encourage her today that her labor was not in vain, speak words of encouragement to her. And to all of us realize, it doesn’t matter how godly your mother was or is, it doesn’t matter how godly you feel you are, our only hope of righteousness is Jesus Christ who fulfilled it all at the cross.

Close with me in prayer.