In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul instructs the Corinthians on the importance of marriage as a guard against sexual immorality.
Wes
Welcome to the Two Journeys Bible Study podcast. This podcast is just one of the many resources available to you for free from Two Journeys Ministry. If you’re interested in learning more, just head over to TwoJourneys.org. Now on to today’s episode.
This is episode eight in our 1 Corinthians Bible Study podcast. This episode is entitled Instructions for Godly Marriages, where we’ll discuss 1 Corinthians 7:1-16. I’m Wes Treadway, and I’m here with Pastor Andy Davis. Andy, what are we going to see in these verses that we’re looking at today?
Andy
Well, what we’re going to get in this wonderful chapter is some timely assistance and help in one of the critical areas in our lives, namely our marriages. Even if people are single, and Paul is going to address singleness in this chapter, they should care very much about the health of marriages in the church. As much of a blessing as marriage is and is intended to be, was created by God to be, it can also be a tremendous focus of temptation and struggle and strife and satanic attack, and the remedy is always good, clear Bible instruction. So today we’re going to walk through Paul’s instructions to the Corinthian church on the topic of marriage.
Wes
Well, let me go ahead and read the first 16 verses of 1 Corinthians 7:
Now, concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise, the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Now, as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am, but if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
To the married, I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
In this chapter, Paul is addressing an issue that the Corinthians raised by the statement, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” What does that mean and how might it relate to the false teachers who forbid marriage in 1 Timothy 4?
Andy
Right. So he, throughout the letter here, 1 Corinthians, addresses certain things that they wrote him about. We don’t have their letter to him, but we have a reference or an echo of it in his comments. And he says right away in verse one, “Now about the matters you wrote about…” So, I want to answer some questions. You’re raising some questions. Now, you brought up the statement, Corinthians, and he refers to this in chapter six, “all things are lawful for me,” et cetera. So, it’s in quotation marks, it’s something you said, and so he addresses it. “Yeah, all things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable, et cetera.” So, he addresses that though it was the last chapter.
Now in this chapter, there’s another statement they’re making, “it’s good for a man not to touch a woman,” is what it says. But we know from the context he means touch her sexually or have sex with her, and so these would be some people that would be just generally anti-sex period. They would be advocating universal celibacy, that it would be best for there to be no sexual relations at all.
Now, I would link it to, what was it? 1 Timothy 4?
Wes
Four.
Andy
Well, Paul calls it a doctrine of demons, and there are some tendencies in false religious systems to forbid marriage, to forbid all touching between men and women, even within marriage. Sex within marriage is evil and harmful, and there are different versions of this. For example, the Shakers were an odd cult in the 19th century, and they completely forbid all touching between men and women. They forbid marriage, what Paul calls a doctrine of demons. We’ve joked before that such a group needs to be really good at evangelism because they’re sure not going to have children to raise, and so they eventually did die out.
Then you’ve got medieval Catholicism and on into this very present day where the Roman Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy, and there’s a hostility to marriage. And so, there’s this fundamental sense of marriage being unclean or dirty or somehow sinful, and that there is what they sometimes call concupiscence, which would be a sense of sexual delight even within marriage being intrinsically evil. And so, the only good reason ever to have sexual relations, marital relations, is procreation and that as little as possible. Once you have the right number of children, then you’re done having sex kind of thing. Now, they would be the Roman Catholic Church hostile to any kind of contraception, but it was just a very strange view of sex and of marriage.
What Paul does in this chapter is reestablish marriage as a good gift from God. He calls it a gift. He also talks about the gift of singleness in this chapter, he says, “One man has one gift, another has another.” It is a gift, as Jesus said in Matthew 19. Not everyone can accept the statement that it’s better not to marry, but only those to whom it has been given. So, there’s an idea that we’re going to have a gift of one sort, one of another. So, for me, I’m a married man as you are also, Wes, and we were given the gift of a wife, but Paul had the gift of singleness.
So, the idea here then is that marriage is a good gift of God. It was established from the very beginning before there was ever a fall into sin. And so that sexual relations, marital relations, are designed by God to be delightful and pleasurable and beautiful within the context of marriage. And so, this concept of it is good for a man universally in every case not to touch a woman sexually is false, and Paul’s addressing that here. Instead, what he wants to do is give good healthy instruction about Christian marriage, especially sexual relations, or marital relations, within the marriage relationship.
Wes
Now, how are marriage and celibacy really the only Christian answers to the problem of sexual immorality? Conversely, what answer does the world usually give to the powerful sexual drive?
Andy
Right, so Paul’s answer initially here is there is so much immorality a man should have his own wife, and a woman should have her own husband. That is God’s only provision for sexual expression. I heard years ago the godly woman, missionary leader and writer, Elizabeth Elliott, the wife of Jim Elliott, became very well known as a writer. She wrote some very famous books, and I knew her personally. She was a godly woman. But a publisher approached her to write a book entitled Sex and the Single Christian, and she said that would be delightful to do. It’d be the shortest book in history. Basically, no.
Wes
Don’t do it.
Andy
Absolutely not. All right? But the world’s answer is fornication. The world’s answer is sexual promiscuity, and it’s always been there. I mean, people have had to deal with it throughout every… It’s in the laws of Moses in terms of unmarried man and unmarried woman coming together, and if she gets pregnant and there’s certain things, et cetera. It’s always been there.
But since the 1960s sexual revolution and then contraception came in, there was more and more freedom for women to express themselves sexually without fear of pregnancy in most cases, et cetera, and it just became open rampant immorality. And so, Paul’s addressing that here, and he’s saying fundamentally the answer is it is good for a man who cannot control himself sexually, who doesn’t have the gift of singleness to get married. It’s good for him to have a wife, and then for them as he’s going to say here in a moment, to come together often and in a healthy way sexually. So, the world’s answer is sexual promiscuity in part or bizarre abstention, harsh treatment of the body and asceticism so that you’re not being sexually active at all, and it’s sin and wickedness and evil to be that. Those are worldly answers, and both of them are wrong.
Wes
What did we learn from Paul’s instruction in verse three?
Andy
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband, so there’s an obligation. And here’s the thing, it is like, “Whoa!” It’s like why would anyone ever need to be commanded to do this? I mean, we love sex, right? It’s like, “No, it’s not like that. It’s not so easy.” Once you get married, we find, and this is one thing we find, is that during the days leading up to marriage, a Christian engaged couple is strongly tempted to fornicate, strongly tempted by the devil to come together sexually. The devil wants them to violate God’s principles. Once they say I do, the devil immediately changes. It is not just a piece of paper to the devil. He knows very well that covenant bond is sacred, and he’s going to try to attack it. And the way he will do it is to try to get the husband and wife to be sick of each other sexually where they don’t enjoy being together sexually.
There’ll be problems sexually within the marriage. The wife may be reticent or a little cold, or there may be other things going on. And so, his desire, Satan’s desire, is to get them to commit adultery so that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence like David and Bathsheba. Go stray with another person. So, it is not a given thing that husbands and wives will enjoy sexual expression together. So, there’s a simple command here, and that is, “Husbands, fulfill your marital duty to your, and wives, fulfill your marital duty to your husband.” And so therefore, if there are feelings of reticence, there’s some… You got to solve those problems because you’re going to be vulnerable. He’s going to say that here, Satan’s going to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. The answer is come together regularly and consistently in a healthy sexual relationship.
Wes
What are the implications of Paul’s teaching that a husband’s body doesn’t belong only to himself but also to his wife and vice versa, the wife’s to her husband? And how does this teaching further highlight the evil of adultery?
Andy
Would you be willing, Wes, to tell me what your translation says in verse four because it may be different than mine?
Wes
Yeah, so verse four says, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
Andy
Very strong statement, especially given headship and submission in Ephesians 5. But this, in this case, the same author who wrote a wife should submit to her husband in everything says that fundamentally he should submit to her in the issue of sex, namely, he does not have authority, unrestrained authority to do whatever he wants with his own body. He doesn’t because he gave that away through the vow he spoke, forsaking all others to hold yourself only for her as long as you both shall live, that’s what you promised to do. So, you gave that authority over your body sexually to your wife. She has rights over you, but so also the wife gave up her freedom or autonomy over her body to her husband. He has sexual rights over you, and it’s very mutual here. It’s very egalitarian in this one verse, not in any way denying the headship and submission of Ephesians 5, but when it comes to sex, they are equal partners and have equal authority over each other’s bodies.
You do not have the right to do whatever you want with your own body. This, by the way, does fly in the face of some feminist rhetoric, especially in the area of abortion which says, “Keep your laws off my body,” this kind of thing. And the idea is I can do whatever I want with my own body. According to this, you can’t when it comes to sexual relating. If you are a godly Christian woman, the only sexual expression you can ever do is with your husband, and so also the same is true of the husband with the wife. So, there is a giving to the other of rights, marital rights at the taking of vows. So that’s a very significant verse, verse four.
Wes
Now Andy, a moment ago you mentioned how Satan seeks to drive unmarried people together sexually, and then he seeks to drive married people apart sexually. In light of that, how should we understand what Paul is saying in verse five?
Andy
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and for a short time perhaps we may devote yourselves to prayer and then come together. So, the point is there should be a regular, consistent, healthy sexual expression within the marriage. I think what often happens within marriages is some hurt things occur, arguments, conflicts, maybe some heat, they disagree over money or maybe parenting issues, or some other thing happens, and then it gets reflected in the bedroom. And it could be sometimes that one of the spouses, maybe the wife, uses as somewhat of a power play. She’s going to hold out on her husband. That’s not biblical, that’s not what this passage is saying. As a matter of fact, to some degree, that healthy sexual relation can be a remedy to some of the problems. There can be a quick solution to some of the anger and frustration they have to each other.
Conversely, I think in the language of the book of Hebrews, a root of bitterness can grow up between couples where one of them or even both of them uses sex as a weapon and holds out, “You aren’t nice to me, I’m not going to have sex with you, or you have to earn it.” It becomes a works related thing where you got to earn the right to be together. Now there’s obviously a reasonable affection that the husband should display to his wife all the time, not just when he wants sex from her or vice versa. And so that would be foolish on his part to not remember that evening’s healthy sexual relating begins at 10 in the morning when he’s kind to her earlier in the day or does acts of service for her, et cetera, so that’s reasonable.
But conversely, all I’m saying is she ought not to use it as a weapon or a tool. That is a very dangerous game to play. And so fundamentally, she is there as protection for him sexually so that he doesn’t express himself in an immoral way. He’s still responsible if he does, it’s not her fault, but she is God’s provision for him. And so do not deprive each other except for a short time. There may be some fasting from sex for the purpose of prayer for a short time, but then come together so that Satan will not tempt you. He says, “Because of your lack of self-control.”
Wes
What does Paul mean when he says that he wishes all men were as he was in verses six through seven?
Andy
Yeah, he says, “I’m saying this whole marriage thing as a concession.” He said, “Fundamentally, I wish everyone had the gift of singleness.” Now, he doesn’t really mean that. It’s just rhetoric, and he does couch it right away, he says, “But I know one man has one gift, another has another.” What he’s saying is, “I am very satisfied with my gift of singleness.” And he does commend it later in the chapter; we’re not going to get to it today, but he does commend the gift of singleness if you can do it. For either a man or a woman, there are some tremendous advantages. But he knows full well the tremendous power of a Christian family of raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, which we have talked about before, is the normal way for the elect to come to faith in Christ- being raised in a Christian home.
It is by far and away the most numerically, statistically, the overwhelming majority of elect people are brought to faith in Christ through the means of a Christian family. Paul doesn’t want to cut that off, and it wouldn’t be biblical. But he’s saying, “Look, I’m not saying you have to have sex in the context of marriage because I’m not saying you have to get married. You don’t. However, I recognize that not everyone has this gift of singleness. And one man has one gift, and another has another, so some of you have the gift of marriage.”
Wes
Now what does Paul really want from single people in verse eight? And what motive does he give for marriage in verse nine?
Andy
So, he’s beginning, as I said, that persuasion concerning the benefits of the gift of singleness, which he’s going to more fully develop later in the chapter and not in today’s podcast. But he says, “Look, it’s good for them to stay unmarried as I am.” If you were married and now you’ve become a widow or a widower, it could be that you’re older now, and those drives and desires have been satisfied, and you have some children, and you don’t have a spouse anymore through death. If you can, think again about the possibility of singleness. So, there could be some widows that are godly women that don’t need to get married. Paul talks about younger women that have the strong desire to get married, they should get married then.
But it could be you get to a certain point in your life and at your age, both male and female, that you just don’t have those desires anymore. And so, he’s commending the life of singleness for reasons he will greatly articulate later in the chapter. But I’ll say it now, it gives you more time and opportunity to serve the Lord. So, if you can stay single, then stay single, and the same is true of single people. If you were never married, and you don’t feel any great drive, that is the essence of the gift of singleness. It would be beneficial for you to be as I am, namely a single person.
Wes
And then the motive that he gives in verse nine, what should we learn from that?
Andy
Yeah, if they can’t control themselves, they should get married. And he says very famously, “It’s better to marry than to burn.” Mainly my translation adds burn with passion. It means to be hot with sexual desire. So, in other places, in one of the minor prophets, I think Hosea, he talks about sexual sin; they’re burning like an oven. So, there’s this heat that comes on, and there’s that ardent desire, that sexual drive. And it’s one of the most greatest, strongest forces there is in human experience. And if that’s who you are, there’s only one holy remedy, and that’s find a godly Christian spouse and get married. It is much better for you to get married than to be constantly struggling with sexual desire that you cannot express except by sin, and it’s much better for you to marry.
He’s not saying that is the only reason to get married. He’s saying if that’s your condition, you should get married. That’s what he’s saying. He’s not saying that that’s the only reason. There are many good reasons to get married, many good reasons. But he’s saying, “If you are burning with passion, it’s better for you to find a spouse.”
Wes
What command does Paul follow this up with in verse 10? And how should we understand verse 11 then?
Andy
Yeah, he says to the married, you need to stay married. So, this is basic, simple biblical teaching against divorce. There are aspects of this that are difficult to understand, so we have to harmonize the teaching here on divorce with what we learn in other places. And in general, we have come to this conclusion biblically on the issue of divorce: that divorce is illicit, that is unbiblical or illegal biblically except for three reasons, adultery, abandonment, and we would argue abuse. We have noted that in those three causes, the three A’s adultery, abandonment and abuse, there is descending biblical evidence that there are grounds for divorce with adultery is pretty clear from the exception clause in Matthew 19. And in the fact of the Old Testament, the adulterer would be stoned to death, and you would be a widow or a widower at that point. If your spouse had committed adultery, you’d be free to remarry at that point.
“Biblically on the issue of divorce: that divorce is illicit, that is unbiblical or illegal biblically except for three reasons, adultery, abandonment, and we would argue abuse.”
Abandonment is right in this chapter where he says, “If the unbeliever leaves, you’re free. God has called you to live in peace and so you’re not bound,” as he says. Abuse, you’d have to argue biblically. There’s nothing on abuse and divorce in the New Testament. But in Matthew 10, Jesus said, “If you are persecuted in one place, flee to the next; you don’t have to stand and take a beating for the gospel.” And so most have argued that that is a ground for divorce as well, though it is debatable.
So, what he’s saying here is, “To the married people, I’m giving you this command, and it’s not me, it’s the Lord that said it. You can’t just up and divorce. It is not lawful to get a divorce for any and every reason. You need to stay married.” Now, when he does say a wife does separate from her husband, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to the husband, that is problematic. Well, what lawful grounds did she leave him for, et cetera? And then why would it be okay for her to go back, et cetera? I have questions about this verse. I don’t think it contradicts anything else. I think the general feel of verse 10 and 11 is married people should stay married and work out any difficulties they have.
Wes
What does Paul mean by not I but the Lord in verse 10, and I not the Lord in verse 12, and how do both of these relate to verse 25 that we’ll look at more closely next time?
Andy
Okay, so all of those have to do with the statement, “Does the Lord have a statement on this?” So, I think this point we get to what we’ll call a corpus or a body of statements from Jesus that the gospel writers, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were working from, they might’ve even had them written down on pieces of paper, et cetera. So, Luke made a thorough investigation from the beginning, talked to eyewitnesses, and then started putting the document, the Gospel of Luke together. So also, Matthew, Mark, as well as John. So, I think what he’s saying is we do have open clear statements from Jesus on divorce. Is it lawful for man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Answer no. That’s Matthew 19. So, we have a statement from the Lord on that.
However, some cases we don’t have any such statement in the corpus or the body of Jesus’ teachings. It doesn’t matter. I am an apostle of Jesus. I speak by the Spirit, and we find that any apostolic statement made in the pages of scripture is equal in authority to statements made by Jesus. And so that’s what he’s arguing for. I don’t have any particular statement from the Lord here, but I am an apostle, and this is what I’m telling you to do.
Wes
Since no Christian should ever marry a non-Christian, how might the situation that we are turning to next in verses 12 through 16 come about? And how do verses 12 through 16 give good instructions on what to do if you are married to an unbeliever?
Andy
Well, the simplest way that this could come about is that God could convert first one of them and then later the other, all right? Or just first one of them and never the other, sadly. He addresses those situations. It’s a mixed marriage made mixed by the sovereignty of God and salvation. God can convert anyone anytime, and sometimes he does convert one and not the other at least for a time. The desire here is for the unconverted spouse to be positively influenced and perhaps eventually converted by the ministry of the gospel through the believing spouse, the wife, or the husband. He does say there’s no guarantee that’s going to happen, but he is dealing with the practical issue. Let’s imagine someone comes to faith in Christ, but now they’re in a mixed marriage made mixed by the providence of God. So, if you willingly go into it, that’s a sin. That’s foolish. “We should not be unequally yoked,” Paul says.
We don’t get into covenant relationships with unbelievers, especially marriage. So, we should never do that intentionally, but it can happen through no fault of the newly converted person, they’re now following Jesus but their husband. Let’s say it’s a woman, and the husband is not following Christ. What does she do? Paul’s giving advice. He’s giving commands. She should stay married to him. Now imagine if he said, “No, you’re free.” Do you realize what a bad reputation the gospel would have in the city of Corinth at that point? The gospel is a home wrecker. It’s just an overt home wrecker. I mean like an illicit relationship; you can imagine we speak of that of the other woman or the other man being a home wrecker. Well, now the gospel’s come and has broken up what could have been a happy pagan home; fruitful, happy, moral, not saved, but now the gospel comes.
A woman goes and hears Paul preach, she repents and believes and leaves her husband. Paul’s like, “No, no, don’t do it.” If he’s willing to live with you, you need to stay with him and you need to be a good wife, you need to submit to him as best you can, et cetera. And he deals with certain aspects of that. So, the fundamental issue here is if God through his sovereign providence makes a mixed marriage, these are the rules of the game. If he, the unbelieving spouse, is willing to stay with you, you should stay married and be the best wife you possibly can be.
Now there’s going to be problems. He might forbid that you go to church, you can’t listen to that. He might forbid that you pray, like Daniel in Daniel 6, don’t listen to that. But if he’s saying other things, you need to see what as best you can to submit to his authority. And it’s a difficult situation. And conversely, a godly husband who is converted now, and he’s married to an unbeliever, et cetera, and then he comes to faith in Christ, what does he do? And so, he’s going to follow this kind of reasoning here. So, stay with the unbelieving spouse, and do what you can to lead the person to Christ.
Wes
Paul goes on to elaborate some of the reasoning or the logic behind his encouragement for them to stay together if they can. What does Paul mean by saying the unbeliever is sanctified through the believing spouse, and what does he mean by the statement that the children are holy as opposed to being unclean?
Andy
I think sanctified and holy are synonyms here, and I think it’s a different use of the word than we might use in church parlance. The word sanctification for us is the next stage of salvation, but we use it to mean progressive growth into Christlikeness. But usually, I mean the word itself–I would say always, not usually–always means set apart unto God as sacred or something special set apart unto God as something special. So, the idea came from the Old Testament with the animal sacrificial system and there were certain articles, bowls and implements and even incense and anointing oil that were said to be holy to the Lord or set apart unto God, sanctified unto him. So, I think that’s the sense here, and the idea is receiving special treatment or having a special blessing on it, et cetera. So now how does it apply to the unbelieving spouse?
The unbelieving spouse is sanctified or set apart for special treatment by the Lord in that he is close to a godly woman and gets to observe her godliness firsthand. He gets to see her prayer life, he gets to hear her scripture, truths that she’s learning and he’s benefiting from an almost continual gospel presentation. He’s just surrounded by an atmosphere of grace, an atmosphere of blessing, though he himself is not as yet holy. Same thing is true of the children. It’s a mixed marriage, and you could imagine mixed children to some degree, they’re being raised under a mixed influence, and that would be a very difficult situation. Paul says, “No, they’re holy in that sense. The children have the advantage or benefit of a believing parent.” It would be better if both of them were believers because they’re getting mixed advice, even mixed commands. But I think that’s what it means that the children are holy.
It doesn’t mean they’re saved; it doesn’t mean the husband is saved. We shouldn’t see it that way, but we think of it as set apart unto God to receive a special benefit or blessing. Think of it, Wes, also in terms of the incense in the tabernacle or the temple. And the incense would put an aroma around the whole sight. You could smell, it just smelled different. There was an aroma of holiness that was emanating from the burning of the incense. So, I think there should be an aroma of holiness coming from the believing spouse that makes a kind of a good smell around the house that’s beautiful for the Lord.
Wes
Now, Paul clearly desires that families would stay together, that they would be blessed by the presence of the gospel, but he’s also honest in saying that’s not guaranteed. How does Paul in verse 15 address the case of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse?
Andy
Yeah, don’t you thank God for Paul’s practical mindset, the counseling mindset? He says, Let’s deal with brass tacks. Let’s deal with where the rubber meets the road. Because there’s some things that are going to happen.” And so I think it’s so beautiful. 1st Corinthians is beautiful in that regard. It’s a difficult letter because it brings you through the ugliness of human sin like last chapter, “Stop visiting the temple prostitutes. Don’t do that anymore.” It’s like, “Oh my goodness, you actually have to say that.” Chapter before, “A man has his father’s wife, and you should have disciplined him by now. You should be ashamed.” It’s gnarly, it’s ugly, it’s difficult, but it’s also beautiful how Paul uses truth to just guide. So yeah, the unbeliever could leave. He’s like, he doesn’t want any part of this anymore. He doesn’t want a Christian wife, and so he leaves, he disappears, and this is the abandonment aspect. He the unbeliever has abandoned her. That’s the second A of the three A’s. And so, he leaves, let him do so.
The unbelieving, the believing woman, let’s say with a believing… or man or woman, doesn’t matter, is not bound in such a situation. Now what does that mean? Bound? I think it means married ultimately. If the unbeliever leaves, whether they go through the formal divorce process or not, they’re not around. You haven’t seen them in years, or they’re just openly saying, “I’m not coming back.” No matter what the legalities of it, or maybe the unbeliever actually has gotten a divorce, so you didn’t want it, it’s done. They are done being married to you. Well, if you go back to the commands given to have sex within marriage, and you’re bound to do it at the beginning of this chapter, remember it says you need to present yourself sexually to your husband.
Conversely, the husband needs to present himself sexually to his wife. They need to have sex together. It’s like, “No, you don’t. Not in this case.” Imagine this woman saying, “I’ve got to find my husband and have marital relations. I’m commanded by Paul, by the Lord to do this. It’s healthy for our marriage.” And he doesn’t want anything to do with her. She doesn’t know where he is. Everything about her life is to try to hunt him down and find him and restore a marriage that he doesn’t even want. It’s the opposite of peace. It’s great distress. And Paul’s saying, “God has called us to live at peace.” He’s like, “Look, you’re not going to force yourself on someone who doesn’t want you.” And so that’s what I think it means here.
Wes
How does verse 16 set reasonable expectations for a believer winning an unbelieving spouse to Christ? And how does this give us a glimpse into the pain and trial of a believer married to an unbeliever?
Andy
Well, let’s go back to the earlier situation where he is willing to live with her or vice versa, she’s willing to live with him, but not willing to come to Christ. And so, in every other respect a good man or a good woman, but not a Christian. And it’s heartbreaking. It’s very, very tough. Lots of tears have been shed, especially if he is legitimately a good man in other respects. Obviously, no one is good but God alone, but I’m saying in a moralistic sort of sense, just a decent man: faithful, kind, loving, just not a Christian, just doesn’t want that. It’s just heartbreaking.
Here’s the fundamental issue as you said earlier in 1 Corinthians 3, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered, but God made it grow.” We cannot give life. All we can do is plant the seed and water it and pray, and so we don’t know that we can save our husbands or wives, the unbeliever. We don’t have any guarantee that that’ll happen. We’re limited in our power. And so, I think it’s that I planted the seed, Apollos watered, but God made it grow doctrine applied to marriage. You don’t know, wife, that you’re going to save your, husband, or you don’t know husband that you’re going to save your wife. You don’t know that you’ll have that ability to do so.
Wes
Andy, there’s so much to consider in just these first 16 verses of chapter seven in 1 Corinthians. What final thoughts do you have for us on the passage we’ve been looking at today?
Andy
Well, I would say to you, consider your situation. Look at the situation you’re in. Paul’s going to argue that the rest of the chapter, what situation are you in right now? Make the most of it for the glory of God. If you’re single, seek a wife, a husband, whatever, a godly spouse. Seek that if that’s what you feel led to do, but in the meantime, make the most of your singleness. If you are a Christian couple, married couple, follow the injunctions given in this chapter, which are very detailed and specific about some aspects of marriage. But then there are other aspects in Ephesians 5 and other places, Colossians 3, that talk about a healthy Christian marriage. Do that. Be fruitful. Make your marriage the best it can possibly be for the glory of God and for the sake of your children.
So, work on your marriage and be thankful for the instructions given, and then do not get a divorce. Don’t think of that as an option. It’s very simple in verse 10 and 11, do not seek to leave, but don’t you be the one to break that marital union. And then the other advice as different situations come up. So, I’m just thankful to God for the wisdom and the truth that’s in this chapter.
Wes
Well, this has been episode eight in our 1 Corinthians Bible study podcast. We want to invite you to join us next time for episode nine, entitled, Living for the Service of God, where we’ll discuss 1st Corinthians 7:17-40. Thank you for listening to the Two Journeys podcast and may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.
Wes
Welcome to the Two Journeys Bible Study podcast. This podcast is just one of the many resources available to you for free from Two Journeys Ministry. If you’re interested in learning more, just head over to TwoJourneys.org. Now on to today’s episode.
This is episode eight in our 1 Corinthians Bible Study podcast. This episode is entitled Instructions for Godly Marriages, where we’ll discuss 1 Corinthians 7:1-16. I’m Wes Treadway, and I’m here with Pastor Andy Davis. Andy, what are we going to see in these verses that we’re looking at today?
Andy
Well, what we’re going to get in this wonderful chapter is some timely assistance and help in one of the critical areas in our lives, namely our marriages. Even if people are single, and Paul is going to address singleness in this chapter, they should care very much about the health of marriages in the church. As much of a blessing as marriage is and is intended to be, was created by God to be, it can also be a tremendous focus of temptation and struggle and strife and satanic attack, and the remedy is always good, clear Bible instruction. So today we’re going to walk through Paul’s instructions to the Corinthian church on the topic of marriage.
Wes
Well, let me go ahead and read the first 16 verses of 1 Corinthians 7:
Now, concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise, the wife to her husband. For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
Now, as a concession, not a command, I say this. I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another.
To the unmarried and the widows, I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am, but if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
To the married, I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.
To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases, the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
In this chapter, Paul is addressing an issue that the Corinthians raised by the statement, “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” What does that mean and how might it relate to the false teachers who forbid marriage in 1 Timothy 4?
Andy
Right. So he, throughout the letter here, 1 Corinthians, addresses certain things that they wrote him about. We don’t have their letter to him, but we have a reference or an echo of it in his comments. And he says right away in verse one, “Now about the matters you wrote about…” So, I want to answer some questions. You’re raising some questions. Now, you brought up the statement, Corinthians, and he refers to this in chapter six, “all things are lawful for me,” et cetera. So, it’s in quotation marks, it’s something you said, and so he addresses it. “Yeah, all things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable, et cetera.” So, he addresses that though it was the last chapter.
Now in this chapter, there’s another statement they’re making, “it’s good for a man not to touch a woman,” is what it says. But we know from the context he means touch her sexually or have sex with her, and so these would be some people that would be just generally anti-sex period. They would be advocating universal celibacy, that it would be best for there to be no sexual relations at all.
Now, I would link it to, what was it? 1 Timothy 4?
Wes
Four.
Andy
Well, Paul calls it a doctrine of demons, and there are some tendencies in false religious systems to forbid marriage, to forbid all touching between men and women, even within marriage. Sex within marriage is evil and harmful, and there are different versions of this. For example, the Shakers were an odd cult in the 19th century, and they completely forbid all touching between men and women. They forbid marriage, what Paul calls a doctrine of demons. We’ve joked before that such a group needs to be really good at evangelism because they’re sure not going to have children to raise, and so they eventually did die out.
Then you’ve got medieval Catholicism and on into this very present day where the Roman Catholic priests take a vow of celibacy, and there’s a hostility to marriage. And so, there’s this fundamental sense of marriage being unclean or dirty or somehow sinful, and that there is what they sometimes call concupiscence, which would be a sense of sexual delight even within marriage being intrinsically evil. And so, the only good reason ever to have sexual relations, marital relations, is procreation and that as little as possible. Once you have the right number of children, then you’re done having sex kind of thing. Now, they would be the Roman Catholic Church hostile to any kind of contraception, but it was just a very strange view of sex and of marriage.
What Paul does in this chapter is reestablish marriage as a good gift from God. He calls it a gift. He also talks about the gift of singleness in this chapter, he says, “One man has one gift, another has another.” It is a gift, as Jesus said in Matthew 19. Not everyone can accept the statement that it’s better not to marry, but only those to whom it has been given. So, there’s an idea that we’re going to have a gift of one sort, one of another. So, for me, I’m a married man as you are also, Wes, and we were given the gift of a wife, but Paul had the gift of singleness.
So, the idea here then is that marriage is a good gift of God. It was established from the very beginning before there was ever a fall into sin. And so that sexual relations, marital relations, are designed by God to be delightful and pleasurable and beautiful within the context of marriage. And so, this concept of it is good for a man universally in every case not to touch a woman sexually is false, and Paul’s addressing that here. Instead, what he wants to do is give good healthy instruction about Christian marriage, especially sexual relations, or marital relations, within the marriage relationship.
Wes
Now, how are marriage and celibacy really the only Christian answers to the problem of sexual immorality? Conversely, what answer does the world usually give to the powerful sexual drive?
Andy
Right, so Paul’s answer initially here is there is so much immorality a man should have his own wife, and a woman should have her own husband. That is God’s only provision for sexual expression. I heard years ago the godly woman, missionary leader and writer, Elizabeth Elliott, the wife of Jim Elliott, became very well known as a writer. She wrote some very famous books, and I knew her personally. She was a godly woman. But a publisher approached her to write a book entitled Sex and the Single Christian, and she said that would be delightful to do. It’d be the shortest book in history. Basically, no.
Wes
Don’t do it.
Andy
Absolutely not. All right? But the world’s answer is fornication. The world’s answer is sexual promiscuity, and it’s always been there. I mean, people have had to deal with it throughout every… It’s in the laws of Moses in terms of unmarried man and unmarried woman coming together, and if she gets pregnant and there’s certain things, et cetera. It’s always been there.
But since the 1960s sexual revolution and then contraception came in, there was more and more freedom for women to express themselves sexually without fear of pregnancy in most cases, et cetera, and it just became open rampant immorality. And so, Paul’s addressing that here, and he’s saying fundamentally the answer is it is good for a man who cannot control himself sexually, who doesn’t have the gift of singleness to get married. It’s good for him to have a wife, and then for them as he’s going to say here in a moment, to come together often and in a healthy way sexually. So, the world’s answer is sexual promiscuity in part or bizarre abstention, harsh treatment of the body and asceticism so that you’re not being sexually active at all, and it’s sin and wickedness and evil to be that. Those are worldly answers, and both of them are wrong.
Wes
What did we learn from Paul’s instruction in verse three?
Andy
The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband, so there’s an obligation. And here’s the thing, it is like, “Whoa!” It’s like why would anyone ever need to be commanded to do this? I mean, we love sex, right? It’s like, “No, it’s not like that. It’s not so easy.” Once you get married, we find, and this is one thing we find, is that during the days leading up to marriage, a Christian engaged couple is strongly tempted to fornicate, strongly tempted by the devil to come together sexually. The devil wants them to violate God’s principles. Once they say I do, the devil immediately changes. It is not just a piece of paper to the devil. He knows very well that covenant bond is sacred, and he’s going to try to attack it. And the way he will do it is to try to get the husband and wife to be sick of each other sexually where they don’t enjoy being together sexually.
There’ll be problems sexually within the marriage. The wife may be reticent or a little cold, or there may be other things going on. And so, his desire, Satan’s desire, is to get them to commit adultery so that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence like David and Bathsheba. Go stray with another person. So, it is not a given thing that husbands and wives will enjoy sexual expression together. So, there’s a simple command here, and that is, “Husbands, fulfill your marital duty to your, and wives, fulfill your marital duty to your husband.” And so therefore, if there are feelings of reticence, there’s some… You got to solve those problems because you’re going to be vulnerable. He’s going to say that here, Satan’s going to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. The answer is come together regularly and consistently in a healthy sexual relationship.
Wes
What are the implications of Paul’s teaching that a husband’s body doesn’t belong only to himself but also to his wife and vice versa, the wife’s to her husband? And how does this teaching further highlight the evil of adultery?
Andy
Would you be willing, Wes, to tell me what your translation says in verse four because it may be different than mine?
Wes
Yeah, so verse four says, “For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.”
Andy
Very strong statement, especially given headship and submission in Ephesians 5. But this, in this case, the same author who wrote a wife should submit to her husband in everything says that fundamentally he should submit to her in the issue of sex, namely, he does not have authority, unrestrained authority to do whatever he wants with his own body. He doesn’t because he gave that away through the vow he spoke, forsaking all others to hold yourself only for her as long as you both shall live, that’s what you promised to do. So, you gave that authority over your body sexually to your wife. She has rights over you, but so also the wife gave up her freedom or autonomy over her body to her husband. He has sexual rights over you, and it’s very mutual here. It’s very egalitarian in this one verse, not in any way denying the headship and submission of Ephesians 5, but when it comes to sex, they are equal partners and have equal authority over each other’s bodies.
You do not have the right to do whatever you want with your own body. This, by the way, does fly in the face of some feminist rhetoric, especially in the area of abortion which says, “Keep your laws off my body,” this kind of thing. And the idea is I can do whatever I want with my own body. According to this, you can’t when it comes to sexual relating. If you are a godly Christian woman, the only sexual expression you can ever do is with your husband, and so also the same is true of the husband with the wife. So, there is a giving to the other of rights, marital rights at the taking of vows. So that’s a very significant verse, verse four.
Wes
Now Andy, a moment ago you mentioned how Satan seeks to drive unmarried people together sexually, and then he seeks to drive married people apart sexually. In light of that, how should we understand what Paul is saying in verse five?
Andy
Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent, and for a short time perhaps we may devote yourselves to prayer and then come together. So, the point is there should be a regular, consistent, healthy sexual expression within the marriage. I think what often happens within marriages is some hurt things occur, arguments, conflicts, maybe some heat, they disagree over money or maybe parenting issues, or some other thing happens, and then it gets reflected in the bedroom. And it could be sometimes that one of the spouses, maybe the wife, uses as somewhat of a power play. She’s going to hold out on her husband. That’s not biblical, that’s not what this passage is saying. As a matter of fact, to some degree, that healthy sexual relation can be a remedy to some of the problems. There can be a quick solution to some of the anger and frustration they have to each other.
Conversely, I think in the language of the book of Hebrews, a root of bitterness can grow up between couples where one of them or even both of them uses sex as a weapon and holds out, “You aren’t nice to me, I’m not going to have sex with you, or you have to earn it.” It becomes a works related thing where you got to earn the right to be together. Now there’s obviously a reasonable affection that the husband should display to his wife all the time, not just when he wants sex from her or vice versa. And so that would be foolish on his part to not remember that evening’s healthy sexual relating begins at 10 in the morning when he’s kind to her earlier in the day or does acts of service for her, et cetera, so that’s reasonable.
But conversely, all I’m saying is she ought not to use it as a weapon or a tool. That is a very dangerous game to play. And so fundamentally, she is there as protection for him sexually so that he doesn’t express himself in an immoral way. He’s still responsible if he does, it’s not her fault, but she is God’s provision for him. And so do not deprive each other except for a short time. There may be some fasting from sex for the purpose of prayer for a short time, but then come together so that Satan will not tempt you. He says, “Because of your lack of self-control.”
Wes
What does Paul mean when he says that he wishes all men were as he was in verses six through seven?
Andy
Yeah, he says, “I’m saying this whole marriage thing as a concession.” He said, “Fundamentally, I wish everyone had the gift of singleness.” Now, he doesn’t really mean that. It’s just rhetoric, and he does couch it right away, he says, “But I know one man has one gift, another has another.” What he’s saying is, “I am very satisfied with my gift of singleness.” And he does commend it later in the chapter; we’re not going to get to it today, but he does commend the gift of singleness if you can do it. For either a man or a woman, there are some tremendous advantages. But he knows full well the tremendous power of a Christian family of raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, which we have talked about before, is the normal way for the elect to come to faith in Christ- being raised in a Christian home.
It is by far and away the most numerically, statistically, the overwhelming majority of elect people are brought to faith in Christ through the means of a Christian family. Paul doesn’t want to cut that off, and it wouldn’t be biblical. But he’s saying, “Look, I’m not saying you have to have sex in the context of marriage because I’m not saying you have to get married. You don’t. However, I recognize that not everyone has this gift of singleness. And one man has one gift, and another has another, so some of you have the gift of marriage.”
Wes
Now what does Paul really want from single people in verse eight? And what motive does he give for marriage in verse nine?
Andy
So, he’s beginning, as I said, that persuasion concerning the benefits of the gift of singleness, which he’s going to more fully develop later in the chapter and not in today’s podcast. But he says, “Look, it’s good for them to stay unmarried as I am.” If you were married and now you’ve become a widow or a widower, it could be that you’re older now, and those drives and desires have been satisfied, and you have some children, and you don’t have a spouse anymore through death. If you can, think again about the possibility of singleness. So, there could be some widows that are godly women that don’t need to get married. Paul talks about younger women that have the strong desire to get married, they should get married then.
But it could be you get to a certain point in your life and at your age, both male and female, that you just don’t have those desires anymore. And so, he’s commending the life of singleness for reasons he will greatly articulate later in the chapter. But I’ll say it now, it gives you more time and opportunity to serve the Lord. So, if you can stay single, then stay single, and the same is true of single people. If you were never married, and you don’t feel any great drive, that is the essence of the gift of singleness. It would be beneficial for you to be as I am, namely a single person.
Wes
And then the motive that he gives in verse nine, what should we learn from that?
Andy
Yeah, if they can’t control themselves, they should get married. And he says very famously, “It’s better to marry than to burn.” Mainly my translation adds burn with passion. It means to be hot with sexual desire. So, in other places, in one of the minor prophets, I think Hosea, he talks about sexual sin; they’re burning like an oven. So, there’s this heat that comes on, and there’s that ardent desire, that sexual drive. And it’s one of the most greatest, strongest forces there is in human experience. And if that’s who you are, there’s only one holy remedy, and that’s find a godly Christian spouse and get married. It is much better for you to get married than to be constantly struggling with sexual desire that you cannot express except by sin, and it’s much better for you to marry.
He’s not saying that is the only reason to get married. He’s saying if that’s your condition, you should get married. That’s what he’s saying. He’s not saying that that’s the only reason. There are many good reasons to get married, many good reasons. But he’s saying, “If you are burning with passion, it’s better for you to find a spouse.”
Wes
What command does Paul follow this up with in verse 10? And how should we understand verse 11 then?
Andy
Yeah, he says to the married, you need to stay married. So, this is basic, simple biblical teaching against divorce. There are aspects of this that are difficult to understand, so we have to harmonize the teaching here on divorce with what we learn in other places. And in general, we have come to this conclusion biblically on the issue of divorce: that divorce is illicit, that is unbiblical or illegal biblically except for three reasons, adultery, abandonment, and we would argue abuse. We have noted that in those three causes, the three A’s adultery, abandonment and abuse, there is descending biblical evidence that there are grounds for divorce with adultery is pretty clear from the exception clause in Matthew 19. And in the fact of the Old Testament, the adulterer would be stoned to death, and you would be a widow or a widower at that point. If your spouse had committed adultery, you’d be free to remarry at that point.
“Biblically on the issue of divorce: that divorce is illicit, that is unbiblical or illegal biblically except for three reasons, adultery, abandonment, and we would argue abuse.”
Abandonment is right in this chapter where he says, “If the unbeliever leaves, you’re free. God has called you to live in peace and so you’re not bound,” as he says. Abuse, you’d have to argue biblically. There’s nothing on abuse and divorce in the New Testament. But in Matthew 10, Jesus said, “If you are persecuted in one place, flee to the next; you don’t have to stand and take a beating for the gospel.” And so most have argued that that is a ground for divorce as well, though it is debatable.
So, what he’s saying here is, “To the married people, I’m giving you this command, and it’s not me, it’s the Lord that said it. You can’t just up and divorce. It is not lawful to get a divorce for any and every reason. You need to stay married.” Now, when he does say a wife does separate from her husband, she must remain unmarried or be reconciled to the husband, that is problematic. Well, what lawful grounds did she leave him for, et cetera? And then why would it be okay for her to go back, et cetera? I have questions about this verse. I don’t think it contradicts anything else. I think the general feel of verse 10 and 11 is married people should stay married and work out any difficulties they have.
Wes
What does Paul mean by not I but the Lord in verse 10, and I not the Lord in verse 12, and how do both of these relate to verse 25 that we’ll look at more closely next time?
Andy
Okay, so all of those have to do with the statement, “Does the Lord have a statement on this?” So, I think this point we get to what we’ll call a corpus or a body of statements from Jesus that the gospel writers, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John were working from, they might’ve even had them written down on pieces of paper, et cetera. So, Luke made a thorough investigation from the beginning, talked to eyewitnesses, and then started putting the document, the Gospel of Luke together. So also, Matthew, Mark, as well as John. So, I think what he’s saying is we do have open clear statements from Jesus on divorce. Is it lawful for man to divorce his wife for any and every reason? Answer no. That’s Matthew 19. So, we have a statement from the Lord on that.
However, some cases we don’t have any such statement in the corpus or the body of Jesus’ teachings. It doesn’t matter. I am an apostle of Jesus. I speak by the Spirit, and we find that any apostolic statement made in the pages of scripture is equal in authority to statements made by Jesus. And so that’s what he’s arguing for. I don’t have any particular statement from the Lord here, but I am an apostle, and this is what I’m telling you to do.
Wes
Since no Christian should ever marry a non-Christian, how might the situation that we are turning to next in verses 12 through 16 come about? And how do verses 12 through 16 give good instructions on what to do if you are married to an unbeliever?
Andy
Well, the simplest way that this could come about is that God could convert first one of them and then later the other, all right? Or just first one of them and never the other, sadly. He addresses those situations. It’s a mixed marriage made mixed by the sovereignty of God and salvation. God can convert anyone anytime, and sometimes he does convert one and not the other at least for a time. The desire here is for the unconverted spouse to be positively influenced and perhaps eventually converted by the ministry of the gospel through the believing spouse, the wife, or the husband. He does say there’s no guarantee that’s going to happen, but he is dealing with the practical issue. Let’s imagine someone comes to faith in Christ, but now they’re in a mixed marriage made mixed by the providence of God. So, if you willingly go into it, that’s a sin. That’s foolish. “We should not be unequally yoked,” Paul says.
We don’t get into covenant relationships with unbelievers, especially marriage. So, we should never do that intentionally, but it can happen through no fault of the newly converted person, they’re now following Jesus but their husband. Let’s say it’s a woman, and the husband is not following Christ. What does she do? Paul’s giving advice. He’s giving commands. She should stay married to him. Now imagine if he said, “No, you’re free.” Do you realize what a bad reputation the gospel would have in the city of Corinth at that point? The gospel is a home wrecker. It’s just an overt home wrecker. I mean like an illicit relationship; you can imagine we speak of that of the other woman or the other man being a home wrecker. Well, now the gospel’s come and has broken up what could have been a happy pagan home; fruitful, happy, moral, not saved, but now the gospel comes.
A woman goes and hears Paul preach, she repents and believes and leaves her husband. Paul’s like, “No, no, don’t do it.” If he’s willing to live with you, you need to stay with him and you need to be a good wife, you need to submit to him as best you can, et cetera. And he deals with certain aspects of that. So, the fundamental issue here is if God through his sovereign providence makes a mixed marriage, these are the rules of the game. If he, the unbelieving spouse, is willing to stay with you, you should stay married and be the best wife you possibly can be.
Now there’s going to be problems. He might forbid that you go to church, you can’t listen to that. He might forbid that you pray, like Daniel in Daniel 6, don’t listen to that. But if he’s saying other things, you need to see what as best you can to submit to his authority. And it’s a difficult situation. And conversely, a godly husband who is converted now, and he’s married to an unbeliever, et cetera, and then he comes to faith in Christ, what does he do? And so, he’s going to follow this kind of reasoning here. So, stay with the unbelieving spouse, and do what you can to lead the person to Christ.
Wes
Paul goes on to elaborate some of the reasoning or the logic behind his encouragement for them to stay together if they can. What does Paul mean by saying the unbeliever is sanctified through the believing spouse, and what does he mean by the statement that the children are holy as opposed to being unclean?
Andy
I think sanctified and holy are synonyms here, and I think it’s a different use of the word than we might use in church parlance. The word sanctification for us is the next stage of salvation, but we use it to mean progressive growth into Christlikeness. But usually, I mean the word itself–I would say always, not usually–always means set apart unto God as sacred or something special set apart unto God as something special. So, the idea came from the Old Testament with the animal sacrificial system and there were certain articles, bowls and implements and even incense and anointing oil that were said to be holy to the Lord or set apart unto God, sanctified unto him. So, I think that’s the sense here, and the idea is receiving special treatment or having a special blessing on it, et cetera. So now how does it apply to the unbelieving spouse?
The unbelieving spouse is sanctified or set apart for special treatment by the Lord in that he is close to a godly woman and gets to observe her godliness firsthand. He gets to see her prayer life, he gets to hear her scripture, truths that she’s learning and he’s benefiting from an almost continual gospel presentation. He’s just surrounded by an atmosphere of grace, an atmosphere of blessing, though he himself is not as yet holy. Same thing is true of the children. It’s a mixed marriage, and you could imagine mixed children to some degree, they’re being raised under a mixed influence, and that would be a very difficult situation. Paul says, “No, they’re holy in that sense. The children have the advantage or benefit of a believing parent.” It would be better if both of them were believers because they’re getting mixed advice, even mixed commands. But I think that’s what it means that the children are holy.
It doesn’t mean they’re saved; it doesn’t mean the husband is saved. We shouldn’t see it that way, but we think of it as set apart unto God to receive a special benefit or blessing. Think of it, Wes, also in terms of the incense in the tabernacle or the temple. And the incense would put an aroma around the whole sight. You could smell, it just smelled different. There was an aroma of holiness that was emanating from the burning of the incense. So, I think there should be an aroma of holiness coming from the believing spouse that makes a kind of a good smell around the house that’s beautiful for the Lord.
Wes
Now, Paul clearly desires that families would stay together, that they would be blessed by the presence of the gospel, but he’s also honest in saying that’s not guaranteed. How does Paul in verse 15 address the case of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse?
Andy
Yeah, don’t you thank God for Paul’s practical mindset, the counseling mindset? He says, Let’s deal with brass tacks. Let’s deal with where the rubber meets the road. Because there’s some things that are going to happen.” And so I think it’s so beautiful. 1st Corinthians is beautiful in that regard. It’s a difficult letter because it brings you through the ugliness of human sin like last chapter, “Stop visiting the temple prostitutes. Don’t do that anymore.” It’s like, “Oh my goodness, you actually have to say that.” Chapter before, “A man has his father’s wife, and you should have disciplined him by now. You should be ashamed.” It’s gnarly, it’s ugly, it’s difficult, but it’s also beautiful how Paul uses truth to just guide. So yeah, the unbeliever could leave. He’s like, he doesn’t want any part of this anymore. He doesn’t want a Christian wife, and so he leaves, he disappears, and this is the abandonment aspect. He the unbeliever has abandoned her. That’s the second A of the three A’s. And so, he leaves, let him do so.
The unbelieving, the believing woman, let’s say with a believing… or man or woman, doesn’t matter, is not bound in such a situation. Now what does that mean? Bound? I think it means married ultimately. If the unbeliever leaves, whether they go through the formal divorce process or not, they’re not around. You haven’t seen them in years, or they’re just openly saying, “I’m not coming back.” No matter what the legalities of it, or maybe the unbeliever actually has gotten a divorce, so you didn’t want it, it’s done. They are done being married to you. Well, if you go back to the commands given to have sex within marriage, and you’re bound to do it at the beginning of this chapter, remember it says you need to present yourself sexually to your husband.
Conversely, the husband needs to present himself sexually to his wife. They need to have sex together. It’s like, “No, you don’t. Not in this case.” Imagine this woman saying, “I’ve got to find my husband and have marital relations. I’m commanded by Paul, by the Lord to do this. It’s healthy for our marriage.” And he doesn’t want anything to do with her. She doesn’t know where he is. Everything about her life is to try to hunt him down and find him and restore a marriage that he doesn’t even want. It’s the opposite of peace. It’s great distress. And Paul’s saying, “God has called us to live at peace.” He’s like, “Look, you’re not going to force yourself on someone who doesn’t want you.” And so that’s what I think it means here.
Wes
How does verse 16 set reasonable expectations for a believer winning an unbelieving spouse to Christ? And how does this give us a glimpse into the pain and trial of a believer married to an unbeliever?
Andy
Well, let’s go back to the earlier situation where he is willing to live with her or vice versa, she’s willing to live with him, but not willing to come to Christ. And so, in every other respect a good man or a good woman, but not a Christian. And it’s heartbreaking. It’s very, very tough. Lots of tears have been shed, especially if he is legitimately a good man in other respects. Obviously, no one is good but God alone, but I’m saying in a moralistic sort of sense, just a decent man: faithful, kind, loving, just not a Christian, just doesn’t want that. It’s just heartbreaking.
Here’s the fundamental issue as you said earlier in 1 Corinthians 3, “I planted the seed, Apollos watered, but God made it grow.” We cannot give life. All we can do is plant the seed and water it and pray, and so we don’t know that we can save our husbands or wives, the unbeliever. We don’t have any guarantee that that’ll happen. We’re limited in our power. And so, I think it’s that I planted the seed, Apollos watered, but God made it grow doctrine applied to marriage. You don’t know, wife, that you’re going to save your, husband, or you don’t know husband that you’re going to save your wife. You don’t know that you’ll have that ability to do so.
Wes
Andy, there’s so much to consider in just these first 16 verses of chapter seven in 1 Corinthians. What final thoughts do you have for us on the passage we’ve been looking at today?
Andy
Well, I would say to you, consider your situation. Look at the situation you’re in. Paul’s going to argue that the rest of the chapter, what situation are you in right now? Make the most of it for the glory of God. If you’re single, seek a wife, a husband, whatever, a godly spouse. Seek that if that’s what you feel led to do, but in the meantime, make the most of your singleness. If you are a Christian couple, married couple, follow the injunctions given in this chapter, which are very detailed and specific about some aspects of marriage. But then there are other aspects in Ephesians 5 and other places, Colossians 3, that talk about a healthy Christian marriage. Do that. Be fruitful. Make your marriage the best it can possibly be for the glory of God and for the sake of your children.
So, work on your marriage and be thankful for the instructions given, and then do not get a divorce. Don’t think of that as an option. It’s very simple in verse 10 and 11, do not seek to leave, but don’t you be the one to break that marital union. And then the other advice as different situations come up. So, I’m just thankful to God for the wisdom and the truth that’s in this chapter.
Wes
Well, this has been episode eight in our 1 Corinthians Bible study podcast. We want to invite you to join us next time for episode nine, entitled, Living for the Service of God, where we’ll discuss 1st Corinthians 7:17-40. Thank you for listening to the Two Journeys podcast and may the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.
