Wise Speech, Pt.2 (Proverbs Sermon 4)

In the previous sermon, Andy looked at the ways not to use our speech according to Proverbs, now he turns to how the book encourages us to use our words in a positive way. 

 - sermon transcript - 

For the last six days, I've had some kind of thing attacking my vocal cords. I have no idea what it is, but I've prayed and asked the Lord to get me through all of yesterday. In which, I would have opportunities to witness, and then all of today in which I would have some opportunities to teach. And I'm almost there, so bear with my croaking for the next short period of time, and I'm sorry that it's not pleasing to the ear. But hopefully it'll be edifying to the heart.

Tonight, we're gonna be looking some more at Proverbs, so you can open up to any chapter of Proverbs you choose, we're gonna be all over the book. Actually, in anticipation of next week, I wouldn't mind if some of you would find a favorite Proverb and maybe during our worship or sharing time, you can share. These are really wonderful things, aren't they? Just a single line or a couple of lines of truth, and it can really knock you back into line the way you need to be. So, maybe we can share a few verses with each other next week. So make a note to do that.

Tonight, we're gonna give the other half of last week's talk. Last week, we talked about negative uses of the mouth, some bad habits, and I'm sure this has been a phenomenal week for every one of you having weeded out all of those negative things. But it left you with nothing to say. And so now I don't want to leave you with nothing to say, I'd like you to be able to talk, and so we're gonna talk about positive things tonight, things that we can do that would be a blessing.

George Müller, does anyone know what George Müller's life verse was that he kept referring to over and over? Psalm 81:10, "Open wide your mouth and I will fill it." And he used that to trust God for the needs of thousands of orphans over many, many years of ministry. Again and again, he would come to God and claim that promise and say, "Lord, you have given me this as a promise." And just like we talked about this morning in terms of prayer, he used to wave God's handwriting in front of him and say, "Now, you wrote Psalm 81:10, and I'm coming to you again. I've got some orphans that need feeding." And so he would pray in that way.

Well, now I'm gonna use it in another sense, "Open wide your mouth and I'll fill it with words." Okay? I'm gonna ask that the Lord by His Holy Spirit would fill all of your mouth with words that would honor Him, and that's no small accomplishment, is it? That's a great thing. I want to consider together with you how we can use our mouths to bless and not to curse. A key verse for us would be in Ephesians 4:29. I know it's not Proverbs, but this sums up the negative and the positive last week and this week. And it says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." What a filter!

David talks about setting a guard over the door of his mouth. I think like an engineer so I think about setting a filter over my mouth so that only those things which meet this criteria of Ephesians 4:29 pass through. And that's a pretty extreme filter. This is what it says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk," so anything that is not pure, and holy, and Godly would be strained out. And we covered those things last time, you're talking about gossip and slander and words of cursing and bitterness, and arguments and complaints, and all of those things that we can do with our mouths. That's all been strained out. Okay, and then it says, "But only that which is helpful." The word only is the filter, isn't it? Only those things that meet the following criteria, that means nothing but the following things. So in other words, be silent in speaking to a brother or sister or another, or neighbor, unless the following criteria is met: Only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Boy, that's comprehensive, isn't it?

So I guess at least what we need is a little bit of lag time so we have time to think about what we're about to say and say, "Is this going to meet the Ephesians 4 criteria? Is this going to be helpful for building my brother or my sister or my fellow worker or neighbor up. And then it may benefit those who listen?" That's what we're gonna try to do.

Now, last week, we referred to Proverbs 18:21. You can look there if you want. If your fingers are nimble and you wanna move around, we're gonna be moving through Proverbs, or you can just listen. Proverbs 18:21, which we looked at last week, says, "The tongue has the power of life and death. And those who love it will eat its fruit." Okay, the tongue has power, doesn't it? How does the tongue have power of life? By preaching the gospel? That's true. The gospel is the power of God for the salvation of everyone. That's eternal life. How else does the tongue have power of life? Encouragement. Do you feel strengthened like a plant that didn't have enough water in the last two weeks when somebody pours a pitcher of water on you and you just feel strengthened? Especially, if it's really creative encouragement, somebody really thought about it, it's not obvious, but somebody has thought about you and has brought this message of encouragement. I think that comes through prayer, frankly. I think if you're praying for somebody, you can gain a message of encouragement, which really comes from God. And almost a form of of prophetic encouragement.

So the tongue has power of life. How does the tongue have power of death? Criticism. Don't you just wilt when somebody comes and brings a word like that, if it's unfounded? Now, we need to be careful because we know the role of rebuke in Proverbs, and that we all do need from time to time a rebuke, and if you're wise, you'll listen to it and it'll correct you. But I'm talking about just those criticisms that aren't from God, those things that really do tear you down and destroy. So the tongue has power of life and death.

Now, what I'd like to do is look at just some different ways that the Book of Proverbs speaks that we can... Some good habits or some good characteristics of the tongue. And then the second half, we're gonna talk about what are some of the outcomes of a good use of the tongue. So these are just some loose categorizations of the Proverbs, and you can do the same thing, you can go through the 31 chapters and organize it however you would like. It would be a useful thing to do. The first category I saw was the tongue characterized as a fountain of life, nourishing and refreshing many. There were many Proverbs like this. For example, 10:11, it says, "The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life. But violence overwhelms the mouth of the wicked." Well, last week we talked, perhaps about the second half. How is the mouth of the righteous a fountain of life? Well, it's just like what we've been saying for the last minute or so, there's a sense of water that just flows out and is nourishing and refreshing it. It's soothing like on a hot day, you've been working out in the yard, it's just hot and you're parched and then the water just quenches that thirst. Well, that's what it's like when you're around the mouth of the righteous person. The words that come from them refresh and strengthen you. So do that. Do that for each other.

Proverbs 10:21 says, "The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of judgment." So here there's food, it seems. In the previous, there's a fountain of living water, and now there's eternal food coming from the lips of the righteous, so there's nourishment coming. And then Proverbs 18:4 says, "The words of a man's mouth are deep waters, but the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook." So again, a similar sense, a bubbling brook of soothing refreshment coming from the mouth of a righteous person. And 10:20 says, "The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value." So there's value, there's purpose, and there's healing and nourishment that comes from the tongue or the mouth of a righteous person.

Second category is intimately related to the first, and that's the issue of healing or calming, the effects that the tongue can have in healing or calming. For example, 12:18 says, "Reckless words pierce like a sword." Have you ever been pierced by reckless words? Somebody says something and oh, it just cuts like a knife. It hurts. But the second half says, "But the tongue of the wise brings healing." This world is a harsh and caustic place, isn't it? And I feel that the more that the church behaves like the church and the world behaves like the world, the more this place becomes a place of refreshment and healing and strengthening that we need for what we just went through during the week. You see what I'm talking about? But if there's not much difference between the church and the world, there's not much need for that. You see what I'm saying?

But if we really are living like Christians, sharing the gospel, boldly witnessing, reaching out. Everyone who desires to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted difficult, then you come in here and the tongue of the wise just brings healing, doesn't it? It just brings healing. The word of God has clearly explained, a brother or sister comes and encourages. Somebody says, "Can I pray for you?" The tongue of the wise just brings healing and you feel stronger. You should feel stronger at the end of a Sabbath day, ready for the week. The Puritans used to call the Sabbath day, the market day for the soul. They used to go shopping daily, not once a week the way we do 'cause they didn't have refrigeration so every day, they'd go and get what they needed, etcetera, and the Sabbath day was market day for the soul, you'd get what you needed for the week. And some of you need healing for what's gone on in the past week. And the tongue of the wise brings healing.

15:4 says, "The tongue that brings healing is a tree of life, but a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit." The Tree of Life is a strong biblical theme, it was in the Garden of Eden, wasn't it? And the sword, the flashing sword, was sent to guard the way to the Tree of Life, and then it appears again in the Book of Revelation, and the Tree of Life is for the healing of the nations, it says, and it yields its crop monthly and there's always plenty for each nation. Well, here in the Book of Proverbs, the Tree of Life appears again, and it comes out of the mouth of the righteous person. Tree of Life. And it is the gospel, we are preaching the gospel, it is also just gospel truth. Remember that you're a child of God. Remember that your sins are forgiven> Remember that God has sent His son to die in your place, and it tends to put your problems in perspective, doesn't it? It brings healing and strengthening.

And then I like this, 12:25. This is just so practical. That's why I love the Book of Proverbs. 12:25, "An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up." Ain't that true? How many of us are tempted to be anxious about things you face in life? Maybe there's a loved one that's sick, maybe you're facing financial difficulties, maybe you're facing employment troubles, your job future's uncertain, and you're anxious and you come to church, you get alongside a brother or sister and they just speak. All it says here is a kind word, but I'd like to connect it to a whole body of doctrine and truth, just a Biblical word, something that is kind and loving, right to the point, but biblically true, not just, "Oh, you'll do this, or yield that," whatever. But hey, God loves you, and God is sovereign over this and God can care for you, etcetera. A kind word, and all of a sudden you feel strong, the anxiety has been chased away. Just like Jesus in the Sunday school lesson this morning in Luke 4, you remember? Was it? No, on Mark 4, in which he calmed the storm and then said, "You of little faith, why were you anxious?" And all of a sudden the anxiety is gone. And so, we should do for one another.

Is there ever a time that a Christian should be anxious? Is there any such thing as godly anxiety? Well, I guess we could debate about Paul's anxiety over the churches, concern for them, but not the way we mean by anxiety, it's tied to earthly things, isn't it? And a kind word gets us up out of that and moves us along to thinking about it the way we should. Let's do that for one another.

Also, the third category is that the tongue can spread wisdom and knowledge. Wisdom and knowledge. We can speak words of wisdom to each other. 15:7 speaks of this, "The lips of the wise spread knowledge, not so the hearts of fools." Okay, so the lips of the wise are supposed to be going around spreading information and knowledge, and then 16:21 says, "The wise in heart are called discerning, and pleasant words promote instruction." So we're supposed to be speaking words of wisdom to each other. Well, how can we do that? We talked about that a little bit last week, you kinda have to store them up, don't you? You have to memorize and meditate on Scripture and know the word of God and be able to minister these kinds of wise words.

It says that Solomon knew 3000 Proverbs. Would it be amazing if Queen of the South said, "How happy are the men who just get to stand and listen to you all day long?" But we can do that for each other just by storing up biblical truth and encouraging one another. It may be just as simple as you choosing a number of proverbs that you think would be a blessing or some Scripture truth in the New Testament, something from one of Paul's epistles or a promise from the Book of Revelation, and just using it that week to bless somebody. It's true, and it could be your thing that you go out that week and use.

That brings us to the fourth, which is pleasant words. Already related to that to some degree, but look at 16:24, pleasant words. "Pleasant words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones." Pleasant words.

Now, I believe in preaching the whole counsel of God's word. But I enjoy preaching pleasant words too. I mean, who doesn't? I'd like to be able to stand and tell you that there is a place where there's gonna be no more death or mourning or crying or pain. Where every tear will be wiped from your eyes, where you get to see Jesus face to face forever. You'll no longer be tempted for sin. I'd like to tell you of a place where there is no need for the sun or moon or stars for the glory of God gives it light and the Lamb is its lamp. I'd like to tell you those things, and they're pleasant to listen to, aren't they? It's even better that they're true. And so it is that we can speak and should speak pleasant words to each other. There's too much harshness, isn't there? Too much discordance in families and relationships at work. And I think we could be speaking soothing or honeycomb type words to one another. Why not? And I know that there's a place for rebuke, and we'll get to that later on. But there's also a place for speaking those pleasant and soothing, encouraging words.

The next category I found was the need for holding your tongue and restraining speech. Now, this may seem a little negative, but this is a wise thing to do. The fact of the matter is, we don't have as many things in those first number of categories to say as we may think. In other words, we may not have stored up enough to say all those things, and there may be a good time for us to just be quiet. And to control our mouth, holding your tongue, restraining your speech, guarding your mouth. Look at 10:19. I talked about this last time but it's worth saying again. We looked at the first half Look at the second half. 10:19 says in another translation, "When words are many, sin is inevitable. But he who holds his tongue is wise." There's a place for being quiet and not saying much. 11:12, "A man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor." What does derides mean? Yeah, run them down. To run them down. Put them down. Talk them down. That's what the man who lacks judgment does. Why does he lack judgement? What kind of neighbor do you think it's gonna be? You have to live next to this person, that's foolish.

And what goes around comes around. How long is it gonna be before he's deriding you and you have a harsh relationship? So a man who lacks judgment derides his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his tongue. I'm tempted to talk about barking dogs right now, I don't know why. [chuckle] Some of you probably love dogs so. We have dogs in our neighborhood, and whenever we go for a walk through the beautiful streets, we have a cacophony of barking that accompanies us. And I'd love to hear the wind and the trees, and it would be beautiful to listen to if it weren't also accompanied by this sound. But the fact of the matter is, I will never say a word to my neighbor about this. Never. There's no point. The point is that we do things, we've got a yard full of kids. And so, to some people, there's different kinds of cacophony.

So, at any rate, good relationships, there's a time for just holding your tongue and not saying anything. 17:27 says, "A man of knowledge uses words with restraint and a man of understanding is even tempered." We tend to say more than we should. There are times that we pull out the 10-pound sledge hammer, one of those little tool hammers would get the job done better. You know what I'm talking about? One of those little tapping type hammer, when we pull out the sledge hammer and get it done. But a wise person uses words with restraint, he pulls it back a little bit. Or maybe even a lot. You use a gentler word, a kinder word rather than the heavy duty word. A man of understanding is even tempered.

One of the later categories we're gonna go through is conflict resolution. A BIG theme in the Book of Proverbs, what to do when you're having conflicts with people. But this is very important, being even tempered, not easily ruffled or rattled. Because the first thing that starts to move when you're rattled or ruffled is your mouth, isn't it? You start to put it into words, but if you're even tempered, you're gonna use words with restraint. The very next verse, 17:28 is one of my favorites. "Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent." Isn't that great? You want people to think that you're wise, just look like a sage and don't say anything. Just taking it in, not saying much. Even a fool is thought wise if he keeps silent and discerning if he holds his tongue. And then 21:23 says, "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity."

Now, really camp on that word guard. I think about the Philippian jailer. Remember when there was the earthquake and the door flies open and he runs out and he's gonna unsheathe his sword to fall on it? Remember? If you're a Roman jailer and you lose your prisoners, you lose your life. Why? Because prisoners are dangerous, they're dangerous to society, they might go out and do the thing that they were arrested for, they might do it again. And so you're about as bad as the prisoner if you let them go. Well, that's the way it seems Proverbs thinks about your tongue. It's dangerous, it needs to be kept under lock and key. It needs to be guarded, you have to guard your mouth because it's a dangerous villain sometimes. So keep it under lock and key.

Alright, so holding your tongue. Also the need to keep secrets, keeping secrets. This is another way of keeping quiet. 10:13 covered the first half last week, "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret." How many of you can testify whether from personal experience. Hopefully on the one side and not on the other, of being hurt because you shared a confidence with somebody, and the next thing you know, you're hearing echoes of it in the relational circles? It happens in churches all the time, and it's a kind of thing that you've gotta avoid. When somebody gives you things, and it's something I learned early in the pastoral ministry, you hear a lot of things and a lot of information comes your way. A lot of things that I guess in a way, it's good that you can know so you can pray for them but just the buck stops there. You can't say anything about them at all. And it's good, it's good to just end it right there, but you all are equally responsible for the things you hear too, to take in the information and that's it, it doesn't go any farther than you.

So to be a godly man or a godly woman, you keep secrets. You keep confidences in a dance with you. And imagine, let's speak positively now, if people just know that you're that kind of a man or woman. What kind of reputation you would have as a trustworthy individual? And how much more your ministry would enlarge, people would entrust more to you because you're faithful with little, now you'll be faithful with much, you see? So, there's times to keep quiet about it. And then I like this one, keeping knowledge to oneself. This is a very interesting proverb. Look at 12:23. It's very, very interesting. 12:23 says, "A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly." Now, I pondered this one. And I've noticed something in my life. There's some times that I will have an experience with the Lord or the Lord will share something with me and I'll feel such joy. And then I share it with somebody, and I feel like the air has been let out of the balloon.

I don't know if I can get my words around what I'm talking about, but there's just times to just keep things to yourself. They're just for you. God's done something or whatever. Mary did this, remember? Mary treasured up these things and pondered them in her heart, didn't talk much about them. Now, at one point she did talk about them to Luke, I think, and then they've got out for the rest of us to enjoy, but I think... What does it mean when it says that Mary treasured up these things and pondered them in her heart? I think she just kept it to herself and thought about it. And I think there's a time for that. Wisdom will tell you when it's a time to keep your knowledge to yourself and when it's time to spread it around.

And then this one. This one literally has been up on our mirror at home. It's a great proverb, 15:1, maybe one of the most useful and we will see it again when we get to conflict resolution. 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath. But a harsh word stirs up anger." Is that not powerful? There's a time, somebody's coming and they're very, very upset, very distressed. And you speak with gentleness, you say, "You're right, let's pray together." This kind of thing, you're listening, there's a way to do it and a way not to do it, and then before you know it. It's been averted, the conflict is gone, you pray together and you've moved on. But if you respond in harshness, off you go, and you've got yourself a conflict. A gentle answer turns away wrath. Does a gentle answer always turn away wrath? No. And that's the way it is with Proverbs, these are general tendencies, this is general wisdom. But there are times that a gentle answer will not turn away wrath because some people are dumped on wrath. There are no gentle words Jesus could have spoken to turn away the wrath of the Pharisees against him. But I'm just saying that in generally good-hearted open relationships, a gentle answer will put to death many conflicts that don't need to happen. We'll talk about it more when we get to conflict resolution.

On top of all of that, however, there are times that a rebuke is needed. I wanna give balance because, again, the rebuke is very important in the Book of Proverbs. Look at 25:12, "Like an earring of gold or an ornament to fine gold is a wise man's rebuke to a listening ear." So there's a good time for speaking a word that can help a brother or sister. But your motive should be to help the brother or sister get away from a sinning pattern that's doing them damage. You see, that's the motive. And you do it, taking the log out of your eye and realize you know that you've got sin too. But you speak it with a certain wisdom and you do it to somebody who's going to listen. Not to like a wild pig or a dog that's gonna turn and trample you under their feet and tear you to pieces. Some people just cannot handle any kind of rebuke whatsoever. But a wise person can listen and there's a right time to do it.

Now you say, "You seemed to be giving contradicting advice." I'm telling you, the way of wisdom is not necessarily simple, but all of this is part of the way of wisdom. There are times for giving that corrective word, just as there are times for the pleasant word and the word of encouragement. Also 28:23, "He who rebukes a man will in the end gain more favor than he who has a flattering tongue." Ain't that true? You're a man or a woman of integrity. And you're saying the truth. And you're saying what needs to be said, and you're doing it out of compassion and love, not a bull in a china shop with your criticisms. But you're speaking what needs to be said and you're doing it with wisdom and in the end, you gain more respect than somebody who's just always saying the soothing, flattering, nice thing. There's a balance to it, because the world is not a nice place and we're not nice people. Let's be frank, alright? And there's a lot of sin, so there's times for encouragement, but then there's time for that rebuke.

And then finally the apt and timely response. "A man finds joy," 15:23, "in giving an apt reply, and how good is a timely word!" And 25:11 says, "A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver." The point is to know what to say at JUST the right moment, and you ask the Lord to guide you in this, just say, "God, control my mouth so that I can say JUST the right words at the right time."

Now, perhaps of all these ministries, this one that I'm going to mention is the most significant, and that is saving lives and defending the poor. Look at 31:8 and 9, 31:8 and 9. This resonates with a deep theme in the Bible. Isaiah and the other prophets speak of this. It says, "Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly, defend the rights of the poor and needy." That's one of the highest things you can do with your mouth, you use your mouth to defend the rights and the needs of others. My mind goes in lots of different directions, there's lots of poor people around. Perhaps, my first thought in America is the issue of abortion. The need to speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves. Ain't that true? They can't say a word in their own defense, and so it's gotta be somebody outside the womb who can speak for them. Speak in their place, or speak a word.

But it's not just that one category, it's others that are just economically disadvantaged, they're just people that... We all, our minds immediately gravitate to those that through their own sin have gotten into issues. But there are others that, through no fault of their own, are in economic distress, and that is a big theme in the Book of Isaiah and in another place, the Book of James. That we, God's people, the righteous people, speak up for those who can't speak for themselves and defend the cause of the fatherless. Plead the case of the widow, it says in Isaiah. And that's a good thing to do with our voice.

Now, what is the outcome of all this? Well, good things. 12:14 says, "From the fruit of his lips, a man is filled with good things, as surely as the work of his hands rewards him." 13:2 says, "From the fruit of his lips, a man enjoys good things, but the unfaithful have a craving for violence." So good things come out of using your mouth this way. Enduring forever, 12:19, it says, "Truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue lasts only a moment." You're really speaking words of eternity when you use your mouth this way. You're speaking like Christ's word, and your words will live forever.

And then 22:11, another outcome. This is unpredicted. Friendship with kings, "He who loves a pure heart and whose speech is gracious will have the king for his friend." So if you talk this way, you may end up having a king for a friend. Now, we don't have any kings in our society, but we have important people that are around, and if you use your mouth wisely, speak words of wisdom, people are gonna be seeking out your counsel. They're gonna be looking at you as a wise-speaking person who knows when to speak and when not to speak. And you may have a king for a friend.

And then 25:15, look this one up, if you haven't looked at any of the others, this is good. 25:15, powerful persuasion. You wanna learn how to persuade, win friends and influence people? Book of Proverbs has the answer. 25:15, "Through patience, a ruler can be persuaded and a gentle tongue can break a bone." What in the WORLD does that mean? I'm not sure, frankly. All I know is that the context here is of persuasion and working against... Perhaps, working in a certain direction that somebody is opposing you. You're trying to get somewhere and somebody's resisting and opposing. Gentle persuasion with patience is very powerful, is what it's saying. Very powerful. You wanna know how to get your way? Make sure first of all that you're right and godly, and that it's the right way to go, that's wisdom. And then try gentle patient persuasion and just see where it gets you.

And then the final outcome, the one higher than all of them is 12:22, "The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." The highest outcome is that God is delighted. Delighted with you. Pleased with your words. Wouldn't it be something to lay your head on your pillow at the end of one day and the Lord send an angel and say, "I want you to know that today, for the first time in your life. I was pleased with everything you said." Wouldn't that be something? And would it truly be the first time in your life? Probably so. But just for God to give you just one day in which every single thing that came from your mouth was pleasing to Him and He delighted in it. Isn't that remarkable? I wanna be that way, and I've got a long way to go, but it causes me to marvel and be amazed that Jesus lived every day that way, every single word that came from His mouth was pleasing to His Heavenly Father. Let's pray to be like Jesus. Let's pray that every word would be pleasing to Him. Won't you close with me in prayer?

Lord Jesus, we are in awe and we're still reading your words all these many years, 2000 years later. It said in the Book of Proverbs that lips that speak the truth endure forever. And how much more Lord, your lips and your words, for you said heaven and earth will pass away but my words will never pass away. I thank You, O Lord, that you constantly spoke those words, the Father commanded you to speak. And therefore you were constantly the source of delight for your Heavenly Father. O God, work in us. We have the mind of Christ. O God, set a guard over the door of our mouths, that those things that are in our hearts would not be allowed to bubble to the surface and be blurted out. But only those things that are helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. We pray these things in Jesus' name. Amen. Goodnight.