Loving and godly family relationships prove vital in the life of spiritually mature Christians. Their neglect causes warnings in a believer’s life and witness.
Welcome to the Two Journeys podcast. This is Sanctification Monday, and my name is Andy Davis. In this podcast, we seek to answer the question, what is spiritual maturity? We believe that spiritual maturity can be broken into four main sections: knowledge, faith, character, and action. Now we’re in the action section, the final of the four main categories of sanctification, our daily lifestyle of habitual obedience to God. And we look at it categorically. There are various key commands that God’s given us, and today we’re going to talk about family. We’re going to talk about family relationships. And we’re going to argue that sanctification, that spiritual maturity produces health in the most important human relationships there are on earth, which is marriage and then the parent-child relationship. In all the world, there are no more significant person-to-person relationships than these. So, we desire to be instrumental in each other’s salvation.
God set up the family. He set up the family so that we could be instruments in his hand for the salvation of other people
We desire to be instrumental in each other’s final glory. As human beings, we should have that desire. And so it is that God set up the family. He set up the family so that we could be instruments in his hand for the salvation of other people. And there is no more significant relationship on earth than that of the husband-wife relationship. It was the first human relationship that was established.
And then secondly, when it comes to the work of the gospel, when it comes to the work of salvation, of justification and sanctification, again categorically, there is no more effective relationship than parent-child. And so, we’re going to look at these two. And what we’re going to argue is that spiritual maturity must show itself in these family relationships, that it is actually completely acceptable to look at how healthy, for example, a man’s marriage is. And a man’s parenting is to determine whether he can be an elder in a local church. If he is not the husband of one wife and he doesn’t know how to manage his own household and keep his children submitted to him, and with proper respect, so they show him proper respect. And the if children are wild or disobedient, open to the charge of that, then he can’t be an elder.
And so, the idea is it’s got to be working at home. And so, let’s dig into this and look at it. Let’s begin by talking about marriage. Marriage is, as I said, the first relationship, human relationship, that God ever established. And it takes priority over all other human relationship, it is established by God. Before any other relationship was established, Adam and Eve were paired together in the garden of Eden, and they were made. The two became one flesh. And so, we understand this is the foundational, the most important relationship. Both the church, a local church, and the nation is only as strong as the marriages that sustain them.
And the stronger the marriage, then the stronger the church and the stronger the nation will be. Now because this is true, Satan exerts tremendous force. He attacks marriages all the time, marriage is under constant assaults by the devil. Some of the hottest issues also socially, zero in on family relationships. Zero in on the husband-wife relationships such as divorce, homosexuality, the topic of gay marriage, even feminism, pornography, spouse abuse. All of these we would see properly as satanic attacks on the family and on marriage.
Since marriage is under constant satanic attack, it is vital for godly Christians to saturate their minds with what the Bible says about marriage so that we can fight Satan’s schemes. We can demolish arguments and take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5. We want to be able to stand firm, to put on the spiritual armor and fight for the health of our marriages and the fight for the health of our families.
And so, mature Christian husbands and wives will give concentrated daily attention to their marriages. They will seek to fulfill their Christ-ordained responsibilities. Without sweet Spirit-induced harmony at home, it will be impossible for the husband and wife fully to walk in all the good works God has for each of them. And they’ll be increasingly disqualified from service in some vital areas.
But if by the Spirit, Christian maturity, sanctification, is put on display in the home, the home itself will be a powerful launching pad even for the next generation of prepared servants and messengers. Sons and daughters that are sent out like arrows into the future. And also, the Christian home is a great avenue of evangelism through hospitality, by bringing in lost people who have never seen a healthy family, never seen a healthy marriage. What a platform for the gospel that can be. So, there are strong and powerful themes that we need to embrace here.
Now of course, the key chapter on Christian marriage is in Ephesians 5, and the section there, verse 21-33. We should understand that that section on marriage is a subset of the Christian life presented in Ephesians 4-6, three chapters in which Paul commands that we should walk in a manner worthy of the Lord and of the calling that we have received. And actually, even beyond that into chapter 5, he talks about not being drunk with wine, which leads to debauchery, but instead, “Be being filled with the Spirit,” Ephesians 5:18.
So, the wife’s submission to her husband and the husband’s loving of his wife, both of them should be seen as subsets of the Spirit-filled life. And if I can just say it directly, we cannot fulfill these roles, a godly wife and a godly husband cannot fulfill her or his role without the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s impossible.
And so, it zeroes in on the wife’s role. And her task is to submit to her husband as to the Lord in everything. And she does that by the power of the Holy Spirit. That submissiveness does not in any way imply that she’s inferior, that she’s less than him in any respect. But that’s the calling that she has within the marriage. She is to be like the church is to Christ, submissive to his leadership.
Conversely, the husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And so, the willingness to lay down his life for the wife, that Christ-like role of self-denial and self-sacrifice needs to be the goal for the husband. And so, this is the sanctification battle that each of us has to fight. Neither of these things are easy to do, and as we look at that role that the husband has to play, he is as the head of the wife, also the head of the entire family.
He is the leader of the family. And he needs to be faithful, to set the tone spiritually for the family. To lead in family devotions, to lead his wife spiritually, pray for her. He’s like a priest to some degree in the family and caring for the spiritual well-being first and foremost of his wife. Her sanctification is to some degree his responsibility, even more so than the pastor of the church that they attend, or they are part of. So, he is praying for her growth. That he can wash her with water through the word to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain, wrinkle or any other blemish. That’s what Christ does for the church. And then he uses the husband to do that for this specific woman, his wife. So, through the ministry of the word, through prayer, through his godly role modeling and leadership, he is helping to sanctify the wife.
And the godly wife who supports her husband in his life and ministry, amazingly, the scripture makes it clear, I think in Matthew 10, that people in support roles get the same reward as those in upfront roles. And so, you look at Matthew 10 when Jesus sent them out two by two to go and share the gospel, he said, even if somebody should give you a cup of cold water to help you on your way, that person would never lose their reward. But he said, “Whoever receives or welcomes in hospitality a prophet because he is a prophet, will receive a prophet’s reward. And whoever welcomes in a righteous man because he is a righteous man, will receive a righteous man’s reward” (Matthew 10:41). So, what that means is the support ministries that care for the body, give you a place to stay, a good meal to eat at the end of preaching the gospel, et cetera. As Jesus sent out the apostles, those support people get the same reward.
Well, how much more then a godly Christian wife who cares for her husband’s physical needs, feeds him, cares for him, gives him an orderly home, gets lavish rewards on judgment day. So, there’s so much that we could say about the husband-wife relationship, about the marriage relationship. In this being Sanctification Monday, we’re looking at infinite journey. We’re talking about spiritual maturity. Fundamentally, we can’t ignore our marriage. We can’t say, “Well, I’m going to work in other areas. What’s going on in my marriage isn’t important.” It’s incredibly important. And each godly spouse is going to be called to account for what they did in their marriage. Did we follow what God told us to do? Were we faithful to do what God told us to do?
So, for me, as I look at my marriage and as I commend it to you, you may be a married person. You may not be married. If you’re not married, it may be in the future. At some point you will be married. It could be that you were married in the past. Now you’re a widow or a widower. In any case, the health of the marriages in your church and in your world as you look around should matter to you. So just be faithful in prayer. Do not despair. It is difficult. There are satanic assaults. But just be faithful to do everything you can in your marriage to be God-honoring and God-glorifying.
And the beautiful thing is specifically speaking to husbands, if you really invest in your Christian wife, invest in her spiritual maturity, pour into her, love her, cherish her, it’s going to pay back. She’s going to pay back. She’s going to become more and more conformed to Christ. She’s going to give you better and better assistance and wisdom, wise counsel, she’s going to be a faithful helper to everything you want to do in life and ministry. And she’s going to be an incredible mother to the children that God may bless you with. So as Ephesians 5:28 says, “He who loves his wife loves himself.” It’s just the wisest thing a man can ever do is cherish and love his wife.
And the same thing for a wife toward her husband. One of the best ways you can spend your time is to serve your husband with a good spirit as serving the Lord, seeking to store up treasure in heaven by being a godly wife in the pattern that he has laid out for you in Ephesians 5.
the most impactful human relationship period, whether socially… Or not socially, spiritually, is the mother-child relationship.
Now, having talked about the marriage, the next thing we want to talk about is the parent-child relationship. And as I’ve said before, and I think it’s important for us to understand this, the most effective evangelism there is in the world is from parent to child. I would even go beyond that and say the most impactful human relationship period, whether socially… Or not socially, spiritually, is the mother-child relationship. Fathers have the role as the head of the home but think of the years of influence that a woman has during the formative years of her children as the child is learning his or her mother tongue. There also, if that woman is a Christian mother, she’s pouring the foundations of the gospel into the infant who becomes a baby, who becomes a toddler, who becomes a little child, who becomes a pre-teen on to teen years, just the incredible impact of a godly mother. But also, the impact of a godly father as well.
So, we are told that we are to “Bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” Ephesians 6:4, and not exasperate our children, not provoke them to anger. And so, fathers and mothers should take this on. And be faithful in praying for their children, faithful in pouring the gospel into them, faithful in role modeling for them, and walking in the wisdom and the godly role modeling that they must do as Christians in the home.
Well, there’s so much more we could say about the Christian family. I will say this, that there is a limit. There’s an importance to the Christian family, but there’s a limit to it as well. Myself, I was not raised in a Christian home, and I’ve had relationships with other Christians that I now call brothers or sisters. I’ve had people who are older than me, a generation older than me, show me what a godly Christian mother looks like or a godly Christian father. They’ve been fathers and mothers to me. And Jesus said very plainly, “Who is my mother and who are my brothers? Whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:48-50).
And he also said, “Do not think that I’ve come to bring peace on the earth. I’ve not come to bring peace, but a sword, for I’ve come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-In-law. A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household” (Matthew 10:34-36)
So, we need to understand and not idolize the family. We can have all kinds of difficulties in the family. We can’t guarantee that our parents, for example, will ever come to Christ. Conversely, sadly, and it’s true, we can’t guarantee that our children will ever come to Christ. As Paul said, “I planted the seed, Apollo’s watered it, but God made it grow. So, neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who makes things grow” (1 Corinthians 3:7).
Well, as you go into the rest of your week thinking about sanctification, do so knowing that God has gone ahead of you, and he will be using everything that you experienced this week to sanctify you and to bring you more and more into conformity to Christ.
Welcome to the Two Journeys podcast. This is Sanctification Monday, and my name is Andy Davis. In this podcast, we seek to answer the question, what is spiritual maturity? We believe that spiritual maturity can be broken into four main sections: knowledge, faith, character, and action. Now we’re in the action section, the final of the four main categories of sanctification, our daily lifestyle of habitual obedience to God. And we look at it categorically. There are various key commands that God’s given us, and today we’re going to talk about family. We’re going to talk about family relationships. And we’re going to argue that sanctification, that spiritual maturity produces health in the most important human relationships there are on earth, which is marriage and then the parent-child relationship. In all the world, there are no more significant person-to-person relationships than these. So, we desire to be instrumental in each other’s salvation.
God set up the family. He set up the family so that we could be instruments in his hand for the salvation of other people
We desire to be instrumental in each other’s final glory. As human beings, we should have that desire. And so it is that God set up the family. He set up the family so that we could be instruments in his hand for the salvation of other people. And there is no more significant relationship on earth than that of the husband-wife relationship. It was the first human relationship that was established.
And then secondly, when it comes to the work of the gospel, when it comes to the work of salvation, of justification and sanctification, again categorically, there is no more effective relationship than parent-child. And so, we’re going to look at these two. And what we’re going to argue is that spiritual maturity must show itself in these family relationships, that it is actually completely acceptable to look at how healthy, for example, a man’s marriage is. And a man’s parenting is to determine whether he can be an elder in a local church. If he is not the husband of one wife and he doesn’t know how to manage his own household and keep his children submitted to him, and with proper respect, so they show him proper respect. And the if children are wild or disobedient, open to the charge of that, then he can’t be an elder.
And so, the idea is it’s got to be working at home. And so, let’s dig into this and look at it. Let’s begin by talking about marriage. Marriage is, as I said, the first relationship, human relationship, that God ever established. And it takes priority over all other human relationship, it is established by God. Before any other relationship was established, Adam and Eve were paired together in the garden of Eden, and they were made. The two became one flesh. And so, we understand this is the foundational, the most important relationship. Both the church, a local church, and the nation is only as strong as the marriages that sustain them.
And the stronger the marriage, then the stronger the church and the stronger the nation will be. Now because this is true, Satan exerts tremendous force. He attacks marriages all the time, marriage is under constant assaults by the devil. Some of the hottest issues also socially, zero in on family relationships. Zero in on the husband-wife relationships such as divorce, homosexuality, the topic of gay marriage, even feminism, pornography, spouse abuse. All of these we would see properly as satanic attacks on the family and on marriage.
Since marriage is under constant satanic attack, it is vital for godly Christians to saturate their minds with what the Bible says about marriage so that we can fight Satan’s schemes. We can demolish arguments and take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5. We want to be able to stand firm, to put on the spiritual armor and fight for the health of our marriages and the fight for the health of our families.
And so, mature Christian husbands and wives will give concentrated daily attention to their marriages. They will seek to fulfill their Christ-ordained responsibilities. Without sweet Spirit-induced harmony at home, it will be impossible for the husband and wife fully to walk in all the good works God has for each of them. And they’ll be increasingly disqualified from service in some vital areas.
But if by the Spirit, Christian maturity, sanctification, is put on display in the home, the home itself will be a powerful launching pad even for the next generation of prepared servants and messengers. Sons and daughters that are sent out like arrows into the future. And also, the Christian home is a great avenue of evangelism through hospitality, by bringing in lost people who have never seen a healthy family, never seen a healthy marriage. What a platform for the gospel that can be. So, there are strong and powerful themes that we need to embrace here.
Now of course, the key chapter on Christian marriage is in Ephesians 5, and the section there, verse 21-33. We should understand that that section on marriage is a subset of the Christian life presented in Ephesians 4-6, three chapters in which Paul commands that we should walk in a manner worthy of the Lord and of the calling that we have received. And actually, even beyond that into chapter 5, he talks about not being drunk with wine, which leads to debauchery, but instead, “Be being filled with the Spirit,” Ephesians 5:18.
So, the wife’s submission to her husband and the husband’s loving of his wife, both of them should be seen as subsets of the Spirit-filled life. And if I can just say it directly, we cannot fulfill these roles, a godly wife and a godly husband cannot fulfill her or his role without the power of the Holy Spirit. It’s impossible.
And so, it zeroes in on the wife’s role. And her task is to submit to her husband as to the Lord in everything. And she does that by the power of the Holy Spirit. That submissiveness does not in any way imply that she’s inferior, that she’s less than him in any respect. But that’s the calling that she has within the marriage. She is to be like the church is to Christ, submissive to his leadership.
Conversely, the husband is commanded to love his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And so, the willingness to lay down his life for the wife, that Christ-like role of self-denial and self-sacrifice needs to be the goal for the husband. And so, this is the sanctification battle that each of us has to fight. Neither of these things are easy to do, and as we look at that role that the husband has to play, he is as the head of the wife, also the head of the entire family.
He is the leader of the family. And he needs to be faithful, to set the tone spiritually for the family. To lead in family devotions, to lead his wife spiritually, pray for her. He’s like a priest to some degree in the family and caring for the spiritual well-being first and foremost of his wife. Her sanctification is to some degree his responsibility, even more so than the pastor of the church that they attend, or they are part of. So, he is praying for her growth. That he can wash her with water through the word to present her to himself as a radiant church without stain, wrinkle or any other blemish. That’s what Christ does for the church. And then he uses the husband to do that for this specific woman, his wife. So, through the ministry of the word, through prayer, through his godly role modeling and leadership, he is helping to sanctify the wife.
And the godly wife who supports her husband in his life and ministry, amazingly, the scripture makes it clear, I think in Matthew 10, that people in support roles get the same reward as those in upfront roles. And so, you look at Matthew 10 when Jesus sent them out two by two to go and share the gospel, he said, even if somebody should give you a cup of cold water to help you on your way, that person would never lose their reward. But he said, “Whoever receives or welcomes in hospitality a prophet because he is a prophet, will receive a prophet’s reward. And whoever welcomes in a righteous man because he is a righteous man, will receive a righteous man’s reward” (Matthew 10:41). So, what that means is the support ministries that care for the body, give you a place to stay, a good meal to eat at the end of preaching the gospel, et cetera. As Jesus sent out the apostles, those support people get the same reward.
Well, how much more then a godly Christian wife who cares for her husband’s physical needs, feeds him, cares for him, gives him an orderly home, gets lavish rewards on judgment day. So, there’s so much that we could say about the husband-wife relationship, about the marriage relationship. In this being Sanctification Monday, we’re looking at infinite journey. We’re talking about spiritual maturity. Fundamentally, we can’t ignore our marriage. We can’t say, “Well, I’m going to work in other areas. What’s going on in my marriage isn’t important.” It’s incredibly important. And each godly spouse is going to be called to account for what they did in their marriage. Did we follow what God told us to do? Were we faithful to do what God told us to do?
So, for me, as I look at my marriage and as I commend it to you, you may be a married person. You may not be married. If you’re not married, it may be in the future. At some point you will be married. It could be that you were married in the past. Now you’re a widow or a widower. In any case, the health of the marriages in your church and in your world as you look around should matter to you. So just be faithful in prayer. Do not despair. It is difficult. There are satanic assaults. But just be faithful to do everything you can in your marriage to be God-honoring and God-glorifying.
And the beautiful thing is specifically speaking to husbands, if you really invest in your Christian wife, invest in her spiritual maturity, pour into her, love her, cherish her, it’s going to pay back. She’s going to pay back. She’s going to become more and more conformed to Christ. She’s going to give you better and better assistance and wisdom, wise counsel, she’s going to be a faithful helper to everything you want to do in life and ministry. And she’s going to be an incredible mother to the children that God may bless you with. So as Ephesians 5:28 says, “He who loves his wife loves himself.” It’s just the wisest thing a man can ever do is cherish and love his wife.
And the same thing for a wife toward her husband. One of the best ways you can spend your time is to serve your husband with a good spirit as serving the Lord, seeking to store up treasure in heaven by being a godly wife in the pattern that he has laid out for you in Ephesians 5.
the most impactful human relationship period, whether socially… Or not socially, spiritually, is the mother-child relationship.
Now, having talked about the marriage, the next thing we want to talk about is the parent-child relationship. And as I’ve said before, and I think it’s important for us to understand this, the most effective evangelism there is in the world is from parent to child. I would even go beyond that and say the most impactful human relationship period, whether socially… Or not socially, spiritually, is the mother-child relationship. Fathers have the role as the head of the home but think of the years of influence that a woman has during the formative years of her children as the child is learning his or her mother tongue. There also, if that woman is a Christian mother, she’s pouring the foundations of the gospel into the infant who becomes a baby, who becomes a toddler, who becomes a little child, who becomes a pre-teen on to teen years, just the incredible impact of a godly mother. But also, the impact of a godly father as well.
So, we are told that we are to “Bring up our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord,” Ephesians 6:4, and not exasperate our children, not provoke them to anger. And so, fathers and mothers should take this on. And be faithful in praying for their children, faithful in pouring the gospel into them, faithful in role modeling for them, and walking in the wisdom and the godly role modeling that they must do as Christians in the home.
Well, there’s so much more we could say about the Christian family. I will say this, that there is a limit. There’s an importance to the Christian family, but there’s a limit to it as well. Myself, I was not raised in a Christian home, and I’ve had relationships with other Christians that I now call brothers or sisters. I’ve had people who are older than me, a generation older than me, show me what a godly Christian mother looks like or a godly Christian father. They’ve been fathers and mothers to me. And Jesus said very plainly, “Who is my mother and who are my brothers? Whoever does the will of my father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother” (Matthew 12:48-50).
And he also said, “Do not think that I’ve come to bring peace on the earth. I’ve not come to bring peace, but a sword, for I’ve come to turn a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, a daughter-in-law against her mother-In-law. A man’s enemies will be the members of his own household” (Matthew 10:34-36)
So, we need to understand and not idolize the family. We can have all kinds of difficulties in the family. We can’t guarantee that our parents, for example, will ever come to Christ. Conversely, sadly, and it’s true, we can’t guarantee that our children will ever come to Christ. As Paul said, “I planted the seed, Apollo’s watered it, but God made it grow. So, neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God who makes things grow” (1 Corinthians 3:7).
Well, as you go into the rest of your week thinking about sanctification, do so knowing that God has gone ahead of you, and he will be using everything that you experienced this week to sanctify you and to bring you more and more into conformity to Christ.
